Standards
NYS module line
- HDR 4. Human Relationships a)Identify characteristics of healthy human relationships
- HDR 4. Human Relationships c)Discuss strategies for strengthening human relationships
- HDR 3. Peer Influence and Stress Management c)Analyze positive and negative aspects of peer pressure and ways to assert individual choices within a peer group
CTE theme line
- CTE CIR 5. Peer Relationships e)Explain how individuals can assert personal choices within a peer group structure
- CTE CIR 1. Communication f)Demonstrate personal development of communication skills through practice of these skills in a variety of classroom applications
NYS FACS learning standard
- NYS FACS Learning Standard 2 (Intermediate)Key Idea: Students will know the basic principles of home and community safety. They can demonstrate the skills necessary to maintain their homes and workplaces in a safe and comfortable condition. They can provide a safe and nurturing environment for themselves and others.
Performance Indicator: none of the three Standard 2 indicators names peer relationships. The state assigns only Standard 2 to this module, so this lesson cites the key idea's last sentence and no PI.
CDOS
- CDOS Standard 3aInterpersonal Skills
National FCS 3.0
- National FCS 3.0 13.3.3Show how to listen well and give useful feedback.
- National FCS 3.0 13.4.4Show nonviolent ways to deal with conflict.
Enduring understanding and essential question
Big idea: Friendships at this age change fast. That is normal. A boundary is a line you draw about what is okay with you, and a good friend respects it even when they do not like it. Saying no clearly is a skill, and so is hearing a no.
Essential question: Can you say no to a friend and still be a good friend?
Objectives
By the end of this lesson, students will be able to:
- (Low) Given the three parts of a stated boundary (what I am okay with, what I am not okay with, what I will do), describe each part and list three group chat rules that protect a boundary.
- (Mid) Given a scenario where a friend pushes, state a boundary in the three-part form, say no in a way that is clear and not mean, and respond to a friend's no by respecting it.
- (High) In a planned 90-second exchange with a partner, use active listening, an I-message, and one conflict step to handle a scenario, then self-assess against the four-criterion checklist and identify the one criterion they would improve.
Vocabulary
Tier 2 (general academic): boundary, assert, respect, drift
Tier 3 (FACS): healthy relationship, peer pressure, refusal, group chat, performance task. See the unit vocabulary list (Vocabulary 03.md) for Turkish, Portuguese, and Spanish.
Materials and setup
- Handout, one per student:
Handout 03.13 - Boundaries Practice and Performance Task Cards.md(the boundary frame, the saying-no practice, the group chat rules, twelve scenario cards printed once per class and cut apart, the planning sheet, and the four-criterion checklist) - Slides:
Slides 03.13 - Friendship Boundaries and the Communication Performance Task(Day 1 and Day 2 labeled) - A timer visible to the class (90 seconds is the performance length)
- The clipboard scoring sheet: one line per pair, four criteria, 0 to 3 each (printed from the handout's checklist)
- Setup notes: Day 1 pairs at tables. Day 2 pairs perform at the front or at their table; plan the order the night before and post it so nobody waits without knowing. The scenario cards are drawn face down at the start of Day 2. No allergy check needed.
Pre-assessment
Lesson 3.12's exit cards show whether students can name a trusted adult and the five unhealthy signs. The Day 1 do now asks about friendships changing; a class that calls every drift a betrayal needs the "drifting is normal" part of Step 1 in full.
Do now and hook (Time: 5 min each day)
Day 1. On the board: "Think of a friendship you had in elementary school that is different now (no names). Circle one: it got closer, it drifted, it ended. Write one sentence on what changed."
Debrief: hand vote on the three. Most hands go to drifted. Then the hook: "Drifting is not a failure. It is what happens when two people grow. Today: how friendships change, how to draw a line with a friend, and how to say no without losing them."
Day 2. On the board: "Write the four things your exchange has to include today. Check your handout if you need to."
Debrief: one student reads the four (active listening, an I-message, one conflict step, a clear boundary or no). Then the hook: "Today is the performance task. Ninety seconds. You have practiced every piece. Now you put them together."
Procedure
Day 1
| Step | Teacher will | Students will | Time |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1. Direct instruction: friendship at this age | Show three things that are true about friendship from 11 to 14: making (friends come from what you do together: a team, a class, a bus; you make friends by showing up and asking), keeping (the six healthy signs from Lesson 3.12, plus time), drifting (people change interests, schedules, schools; a drift is not a fight; you can let it drift kindly). Then the line that matters for this lesson: any relationship at this age, a friend, a teammate, a person you like, is healthy for the same reasons and unhealthy for the same reasons. Say it plainly: this class is not about dating; anything about the body belongs in health class with [Sal: health teacher's name], and anything that worries you belongs with the counselor. What this class is about is what a good relationship of any kind looks like, how to draw a line, and how to say no and be heard. | Listen. On the handout, write one way to make a friend, one way to keep one, and one kind way to let one drift. | 8 min |
| 2. Direct instruction: boundaries | Define a boundary: a line about what is okay with you. Show the three-part frame for stating one: "I am okay with ___. I am not okay with ___. If it happens, I will ___." Example: "I am okay with you borrowing my notes. I am not okay with you posting my notes in the chat. If it happens, I will stop sharing them." Show how to respect a boundary someone gives you: say "okay," do not argue, do not make them explain. Show the two traps: a boundary with no "I will" (nothing happens, so nothing changes) and a boundary that is really a demand on the other person ("you have to stop being friends with them" is not a boundary about you). | Copy the frame. Write one boundary for scenario A on the handout (a friend who keeps taking food off your tray). | 7 min |
| 3. Practice: saying no and being heard | Show the three-part no: say it (a short, plain no: "No, I am not doing that"), say why once (one reason, not a speech), offer what you will do instead ("but I will come to the game after"). Show what makes a no hard to hear: laughing while saying it, saying "maybe" when you mean no, saying it to the floor. Pairs practice the handout's six push scenarios: Partner A pushes twice (only twice; that is the rule), Partner B says the three-part no, Partner A says "okay." Switch after three. | Practice six scenarios, three each way. Check off on the handout whether the no was clear, had one reason, and offered something. | 10 min |
| 4. Direct instruction and share: group chat rules | Ask: "What has gone wrong in a group chat you have seen?" (no names, no screenshots). Take three. Show four rules that protect a boundary in a chat: nothing you would not say to the face; no screenshots shared outside the chat; leaving the chat is allowed and not an insult; if someone is being put down, say something or tell an adult, do not just watch. Add one rule from the class. Preview Day 2: the performance task, the cards, the four criteria. Hand out the planning sheet and the checklist. | Write the five rules. Read the four criteria on the checklist and ask one question about scoring. | 6 min |
Day 2
| Step | Teacher will | Students will | Time |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1. Direct instruction: the task and the criteria | Read the task aloud: pairs draw one scenario card, plan for six minutes on the planning sheet, then perform a 90-second exchange in which one person opens with an I-message, the other uses all four listening moves and restates, one conflict step is used out loud (cool down, find the shared want, or agree on one step), and one clear boundary or no is stated and respected. Show the four criteria and the 0 to 3 scale on the slide. Answer two questions. Pairs draw cards. | Draw a card. Read it with a partner. Decide who opens. | 5 min |
| 2. Planning | Start the timer. Circulate and answer questions only about the scenario, not the script. | Fill the planning sheet: the I-message (four parts), the restate line, the conflict step, the boundary or no, and who says what. | 6 min |
| 3. Performance task: the exchanges | Run the performances in the posted order, 90 seconds each, timer visible. Score live on the clipboard, four criteria, 0 to 3 each, 12 points. Between pairs, no comments; the next pair stands as the timer resets. Ten to eleven pairs fit in the time if the resets are fast. [Sal: with more than 22 students, split the performances across the front and a second corner with a student timekeeper, or run the last three pairs at the start of Lesson 3.14 before the do now.] | Perform when called. Watch quietly when not. Every pair performs. | 20 min |
| 4. Self-assessment | Hand back the planning sheets. | Score their own exchange on the four criteria on the handout checklist, write the one criterion they would improve and how. Turn in the planning sheet with the self-score. | 4 min |
Questions to ask
Monitor understanding:
- What are the three parts of a stated boundary? Which part do people usually leave out?
- Give me a no that is clear and not mean. Now give me one that sounds like a maybe.
- Which of the four criteria is "so you are saying"?
Deepen learning:
- A friend respects your boundary but is clearly annoyed. Did the boundary work?
- Why does a group chat make people say things they would never say to a face?
- You said a perfect no and your friend pushed a third time. What is that a sign of (from Lesson 3.12), and what is your next move?
Check for understanding
Day 1: clipboard checklist during Step 3, one line per pair: "the no was a plain no," "one reason, not a speech," "offered something instead," "the pusher said okay after two pushes." A pair whose pusher keeps pushing past two gets a reminder that the rule is two; the third push is what Lesson 3.12 called pressure.
Day 2: the performance task is the summative check; see Assessment. The self-score in Step 4 is the formative read: a student whose self-score is within one point of the teacher's on every criterion is reading their own communication accurately.
Closure (Time: 4 min Day 1; 5 min Day 2)
Day 1. 3-2-1 exit card: 3 parts of a boundary, 2 parts of a clear no, 1 group chat rule you would add to a chat you are in. Three students read their "1." Sort into "got it" and "needs more." The "needs more" pile gets a two-minute check-in during Day 2 planning.
Day 2. The self-assessment (Step 4) is the closure. Then one round of voice: two students name one thing another pair did well (a move, not a person). Collect the planning sheets and self-scores. Sort the self-scores against the clipboard: pairs off by two or more on any criterion get a one-line note back.
Differentiation and supports
- ELL: the boundary frame and the three-part no are printed with sentence starters in Turkish, Portuguese, and Spanish on the handout (marked [check with a native speaker]); the performance can be done in a shared home language with the planning sheet in English, scored on the same four criteria by a bilingual student or aide if available or by the planning sheet if not [Sal: decide how you score a home-language performance]; scenario cards 1 to 6 are shorter with a picture cue.
- IEP and 504 (general): the planning sheet is a script, so a student may read from it during the performance; a student who cannot perform in front of the class performs for the teacher only at the table during Step 3; extended planning time (the 6 minutes can start at the end of Day 1); a partner may be chosen, not assigned; a student may hold the listener role, which has fewer lines.
- Grade 6 support: scenario cards 1 to 6 (a tray, a borrowed item, a seat, a game, a joke, a chat) with the conflict step named on the card; the performance is 60 seconds.
- Grade 8 stretch: scenario cards 7 to 12 (a rumor, a screenshot, a friend who is drifting, a friend who wants your password, a group project, a family plan versus a friend plan) with the conflict step chosen by the pair; grade 8 pairs also write in the self-assessment what the other person's shared want was and whether they found it.
- UDL checkpoint used: multiple means of action and expression (perform aloud, read from a script, perform for the teacher, or perform in a home language) and multiple means of engagement (the scenario is drawn and the partner is chosen).
- No-kitchen or no-machine alternative: none needed.
Assessment
| Objective | Standards met | Learning task | Assessment (formative or summative; tool) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1. Describe a boundary's three parts and list group chat rules | HDR 4. a); CIR 5. e) | Day 1 Steps 2 and 4 | Formative; Day 1 exit card |
| 2. State a boundary, say a clear no, respect a no | HDR 3. c); CIR 5. e); National FCS 13.4.4; CDOS 3a Interpersonal Skills | Day 1 Step 3 practice | Formative; clipboard checklist; handout check-offs |
| 3. Perform the 90-second exchange and self-assess | HDR 4. c); CIR 1. f); National FCS 13.3.3, 13.4.4; Std 2 KI | Day 2 Steps 3 and 4 | Summative; the Communication Performance Task, four criteria at 0 to 3, 12 points, topic assessments category; self-score turned in |
The Communication Performance Task is Topic 3.3's formal check. The four criteria are: (1) the I-message has all four parts and names a feeling; (2) the listener uses eyes, body, restate, and ask; (3) one conflict step is used out loud and fits the scenario; (4) a boundary or a no is stated clearly and the other person respects it. Each is scored 0 (missing), 1 (attempted, incomplete), 2 (done), 3 (done and it changed what happened next). 12 points. A retake is one more 90-second exchange with a new card during Lesson 3.15's do now time, best score counts, per the grading plan.
Homework
None. Optional: write one boundary you would like to state to someone (a role, not a name) in the three-part form. Keep it; nobody collects it.
Connections
Inside the building: the health teacher and the counselor. [Sal: the three of you should agree before this lesson on what FACS says about "dating" at this age: this course says a healthy relationship of any kind has the same signs, boundaries are lines you draw, and no means no; the body, consent as a health topic, and anything beyond stay in health class and with the counselor. Say that agreement out loud to students in Day 1 Step 1.] The ELA teacher could use the performance task's four criteria as a speaking and listening rubric.
Sources
- NYS Middle Level CTE FACS Content Module 02, Human Development and Relationships (nyctecenter.org, June 2018), lines 4. a), 4. c), and 3. c). Copy in
02 Standards/NYS Module PDFs/. - NYS Middle Level CTE Theme Module, Communication and Interpersonal Relationships, lines 5. e) and 1. f). Same folder.
- NYS Learning Standards for Health, Physical Education, and Family and Consumer Sciences (1996), Standard 2, Intermediate, FACS strand. Wording per
02 Standards/STANDARDS SOURCES - web research.md, section 2. - National Standards for Family and Consumer Sciences Education 3.0 (LEAD FCS Education, 2018), competencies 13.3.3 and 13.4.4.
- Sal's own materials: the refusal-skills skits from Lesson 3.6 and the peer pressure tiered objectives in his FNES 538 notes (
FNES538_notes_NextWeek-NutritionLabels-Tiered_2026-03.docx), which asked students to demonstrate refusal strategies in a short role play and to evaluate the best response; the I-message frame from Lesson 3.10 and the five steps from Lesson 3.11.
Teacher notes
- If Day 1 runs short, cut the saying-no practice to four scenarios. Never cut Step 1's plain statement of what this class is and is not about; students and parents both need to hear it.
- If Day 2 runs short, the last pairs perform at the start of Lesson 3.14 (before the do now, five minutes). Say so at the start of Day 2 so nobody feels skipped.
- Scoring live is fast if the clipboard sheet has the four criteria as columns and you write only a number. Do not write comments during performances; write the one-line notes after class from the numbers.
- Common mistake in the performance: both students talk and nobody listens. The listener's job is to restate before anything else. Say it in the criteria slide: "somebody has to say 'so you are saying' or criterion 2 is a 1."
- The word "dating" is in the scope and sequence title for this lesson. In the room, use "any relationship" and "a person you like." Everything here is about respect, lines, and no. Nothing here is about the body. If a student pushes the conversation there, the answer is "that is a health class question and [health teacher's name] is the person to ask."
- [Sal: the two-push rule in Step 3 came from the peer pressure skits in Lesson 3.6. If you changed the rule there, match it here.]