Standards
NYS module line
- HDR 4. Human Relationships a)Identify characteristics of healthy human relationships
- HDR 4. Human Relationships b)Identify characteristics of unhealthy human relationships
CTE theme line
- CTE CIR 4. Relationships e)Demonstrate and practice behaviors that promote healthy relationships through a variety of classroom applications
- CTE CIR 5. Peer Relationships d)Analyze the influence of peers on personal development, choices, and relationships
NYS FACS learning standard
- NYS FACS Learning Standard 2 (Intermediate)Key Idea: Students will know the basic principles of home and community safety. They can demonstrate the skills necessary to maintain their homes and workplaces in a safe and comfortable condition. They can provide a safe and nurturing environment for themselves and others.
Performance Indicator: none of the three Standard 2 indicators names relationships. The state assigns only Standard 2 to this module, so this lesson cites the key idea's last sentence and no PI. The counselor introduction also serves CTE HSW 5. Social-Emotional Learning e) Identify school personnel with whom to discuss social, emotional, or mental health issues, which is cited in the assessment table.
CDOS
- CDOS Standard 3aInterpersonal Skills
National FCS 3.0
- National FCS 3.0 13.1.4Examine what makes relationships healthy and what makes them unhealthy.
- National FCS 3.0 13.1.5Examine ways to handle an unhealthy relationship.
Enduring understanding and essential question
Big idea: A healthy relationship, with a friend, a teammate, a family member, or anyone, makes you more yourself. An unhealthy one makes you smaller. The signs are the same at every age, and you can learn to see them early.
Essential question: How do you know if a relationship is good for you when it feels fine most of the time?
Objectives
By the end of this lesson, students will be able to:
- (Low) Given the six signs of a healthy relationship (respect, trust, honesty, support, fairness, separate identities) and the five signs of an unhealthy one (control, put-downs, isolation, pressure, fear), list them and give one example of each from a friendship or a team.
- (Mid) Given a set of 24 behavior cards, sort each as healthy, unhealthy, or "depends," and name the sign each unhealthy card shows.
- (High) Given an unhealthy behavior card, decide what a student should do (say something, step back, or tell a trusted adult) and defend the choice with the sign and the risk, naming the counselor as one adult to tell.
Vocabulary
Tier 2 (general academic): respect, isolate, pressure, trust
Tier 3 (FACS): healthy relationship, unhealthy relationship, control, put-down, trusted adult, counselor. See the unit vocabulary list (Vocabulary 03.md) for Turkish, Portuguese, and Spanish.
Materials and setup
- Handout, one set per group of three plus one per student:
Handout 03.12 - Healthy or Unhealthy Card Sort.md(24 cards printed once per group and cut apart, the three-column sort mat, and the individual answer sheet) - Slides:
Slides 03.12 - Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships the Signs - Envelopes or paper clips to hold each card set
- The school's "who to tell" list (the counselor, the dean, the nurse, the social worker if the building has one) on one slide [Sal: fill in names and room numbers]
- Setup notes: cut the card sets ahead of time; a set takes about five minutes to cut. Invite the counselor for the last ten minutes of the period a week ahead. Tell them the plan: introduce themselves, say where their office is, say what happens when a student comes to them (it is not trouble), take two questions. No allergy check needed.
Pre-assessment
The Lesson 3.11 Day 2 exit cards ("1 kind of conflict you would bring to an adult") show whether students already draw a line between a normal conflict and an unsafe one. Today's do now asks them to name what a good friend does; a class that lists only "is nice" needs the full six signs slowly.
Do now and hook (Time: 5 min)
On the board: "Finish both sentences. A good friend always ___. A good friend never ___."
Debrief: collect five "always" answers and five "never" answers on the board in two columns. Do not sort them yet. Then the hook: "Everything on this board fits into eleven words. Six of them are the signs of a relationship that is good for you. Five are the signs of one that is not. By the end of today you will know all eleven and what to do about the five."
Procedure
| Step | Teacher will | Students will | Time |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1. Direct instruction: the six healthy signs | Show the six signs one at a time with a picture and a one-line example each: respect (they listen when you say no), trust (you do not have to check their phone and they do not check yours), honesty (they tell you the truth even when it is awkward), support (they show up when it is hard, not only when it is fun), fairness (you both give, you both get, it is not always your turn to pay or apologize), separate identities (you have other friends and other interests and so do they). Sort the "always" column from the do now into the six as you go. | Copy the six onto the answer sheet. Give one example from a team or a friendship for each, out loud or on the sheet. | 7 min |
| 2. Direct instruction: the five unhealthy signs | Show the five signs one at a time: control (tells you what to wear, who to talk to, checks your phone, wants your passwords), put-downs (jokes that only go one way, insults in front of others, "you are so stupid"), isolation (wants you away from your other friends or your family), pressure (keeps pushing after you said no, makes you feel guilty for saying no), fear (you are careful what you say around them, you are afraid of how they will react). Say clearly: one bad day is not a sign; a pattern is. Sort the "never" column into the five. Say the rule: fear is always a tell-an-adult sign, on its own, the first time. | Copy the five. Circle the one they think is hardest to notice and be ready to say why. | 7 min |
| 3. Learning activity: the card sort | Groups of three get a card set and a sort mat with three columns: healthy, unhealthy, depends. Read the rules: every card gets a column; for every unhealthy card, write the sign it shows on the answer sheet; a "depends" card needs one sentence on what it depends on. Circulate with the clipboard (see Check for understanding). At eight minutes, reveal the key on the slide and let groups check. | Sort, discuss, write the signs. Check against the key. Argue one "depends" card with the group. | 11 min |
| 4. Direct instruction and guest: what to do and who to tell | Show the three moves: say something (an I-message, from Lesson 3.10, works for a put-down from a friend who did not mean it), step back (spend less time, keep your other friends, do not share passwords), tell a trusted adult (for control, isolation, pressure that will not stop, and always for fear). Show the who-to-tell slide with names and rooms. Introduce the counselor, [Sal: name], who speaks for the last part of this step: where the office is, what happens when a student comes in, and the two questions. If the counselor cannot come, show their photo and room number and read the three sentences they gave you. | Listen. Write the counselor's name and room on the answer sheet. Ask one question if they have one. | 6 min |
Questions to ask
Monitor understanding:
- Which of the six healthy signs is "you have other friends and so do they"?
- A friend checks your phone "as a joke." Which unhealthy sign is that, and does it matter that it was a joke?
- Name the one sign that is a tell-an-adult sign the first time it happens.
Deepen learning:
- Why is it hard to see these signs in your own friendship but easy to see them in someone else's?
- A relationship has five of the six healthy signs but one unhealthy one. Is it healthy? What does the answer depend on?
- Is telling the counselor about a friend a betrayal of the friend? What is the other way to look at it?
Check for understanding
Clipboard checklist during Step 3, one line per group: "sorts control and fear as unhealthy every time," "names the sign on unhealthy cards," "explains a depends card with a real condition." A group that puts a control card (card 7, the passwords card) in "depends" gets the question "what would make asking for a password okay?" and usually moves it. Fear cards (card 19) placed anywhere but unhealthy are a stop-and-talk.
Closure (Time: 4 min)
3-2-1 exit card at the bottom of the answer sheet: 3 healthy signs, 2 unhealthy signs, 1 adult in this building you would tell (a title, not a friend). Three students read their "1." Sort into "got it" and "needs more." Any card that names no adult, or names only a friend, gets a quiet follow up the next day.
Differentiation and supports
- ELL: every sign has an icon on the slides and the sort mat (a handshake for respect, a lock for control, a circle of people with one pushed out for isolation, and so on); the 24 cards use short sentences with the sign word bolded in the key; the eleven sign words are listed in Turkish, Portuguese, and Spanish on the answer sheet (marked [check with a native speaker]); sentence starter for the "depends" column: "It depends on whether ___."
- IEP and 504 (general): groups of three so nobody reads all 24 cards alone; a student may sort by pointing while a partner writes; the answer sheet has the eleven signs as a word bank, not blanks; a student who finds a card upsetting may set it aside face down and tell the teacher later or not at all; extended time on the answer sheet.
- Grade 6 support: use cards 1 to 16 only (they are friendship and team cards; 17 to 24 add group chats, a coach, and a family member); the "depends" column is optional.
- Grade 8 stretch: cards 17 to 24, plus one written question: "Rewrite one unhealthy card as the same situation with the healthy version of the sign." Grade 8 groups also rank the five unhealthy signs from easiest to hardest to notice and give a reason for the hardest.
- UDL checkpoint used: multiple means of representation (icons, examples, and cards) and multiple means of engagement (the guest, the choice of which card to argue).
- No-kitchen or no-machine alternative: none needed.
Assessment
| Objective | Standards met | Learning task | Assessment (formative or summative; tool) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1. List the eleven signs with an example each | HDR 4. a), b); National FCS 13.1.4 | Steps 1 and 2, answer sheet | Formative; exit card 3-2-1 lines |
| 2. Sort 24 cards and name the sign | HDR 4. b); CIR 4. e); CIR 5. d); National FCS 13.1.4; CDOS 3a Interpersonal Skills | Step 3 card sort | Formative; clipboard checklist; answer sheet checked against the key |
| 3. Decide what to do and defend it, naming the counselor | HDR 4. b); Std 2 KI; National FCS 13.1.5; CTE HSW 5. e) | Step 4, exit card "1" | Formative; exit card names an adult; answer sheet "what I would do" line |
Objectives 1 and 2 are assessed summatively on the Unit 3 Test (items on the signs). Objective 3 feeds the Communication Performance Task in Lesson 3.13 Day 2, where one criterion is "responds to pressure with a boundary or a clear no."
Homework
None. Optional: pick one healthy sign and notice it in one relationship this week. Be ready to say which sign, not who.
Connections
Inside the building: the counselor visits (Step 4). This is also where FACS and health class meet: health covers the body and reproductive health; FACS covers the signs, the words, and the who-to-tell. [Sal: sit with the health teacher and the counselor before this lesson so the three of you use the same five unhealthy signs and the same who-to-tell list.] Community: many counties have a family services or youth bureau hotline; put the number on the who-to-tell slide if the counselor approves it.
Sources
- NYS Middle Level CTE FACS Content Module 02, Human Development and Relationships (nyctecenter.org, June 2018), lines 4. a) and 4. b), and the Illustrative Activity "Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships," which lists respect, boundaries, accountability, integrity, compromise, problem-solving, and generosity as healthy signs and criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, and dishonesty as unhealthy ones. This lesson uses simpler words for the same ideas. Copy in
02 Standards/NYS Module PDFs/. - NYS Middle Level CTE Theme Module, Communication and Interpersonal Relationships, lines 4. e) and 5. d); Health, Safety, and Wellness, line 5. e). Same folder.
- NYS Learning Standards for Health, Physical Education, and Family and Consumer Sciences (1996), Standard 2, Intermediate, FACS strand. Wording per
02 Standards/STANDARDS SOURCES - web research.md, section 2. - National Standards for Family and Consumer Sciences Education 3.0 (LEAD FCS Education, 2018), competencies 13.1.4 and 13.1.5.
Teacher notes
- If the counselor cannot come, keep Step 4 at six minutes anyway and use the who-to-tell slide. Do not skip it. If time runs short, the card sort can end at 16 cards.
- This lesson is about relationships of every kind: friends, teammates, cousins, a coach, a group chat. It is not a dating lesson and does not need to be. Lesson 3.13 covers friendship and boundaries at this age; anything about the body stays in health class.
- Say "one bad day is not a sign, a pattern is" at least twice. Students will otherwise sort every card with a raised voice as unhealthy and every card with a smile as healthy.
- A student may disclose something during or after this lesson. Have the building's reporting steps in front of you and follow them. Do not promise to keep a secret; say "I am glad you told me, and here is what happens next."
- No student is ever asked to describe their own relationships aloud. Every example is a card, a movie, or a role. Keep it that way even when a student volunteers a story; redirect to "would that be a healthy or unhealthy sign on a card?"
- [Sal: your who-to-tell slide needs names, room numbers, and the after-hours number the counselor wants used. Fill it in the first week of the year and update it each September.]