Slide outline for Lesson 3.12, one day. Thirteen slides. Every sign carries the same icon on the slide, on the sort mat, and on the answer sheet. Slide 11 is the who-to-tell slide and the counselor's introduction; it never gets cut, even when the counselor cannot come. This lesson is about friends, teammates, cousins, coaches, and group chats. Anything about the body or reproductive health is health class.
Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships: The Signs
- Lesson 3.12: Communication, Conflict, Relationships
- Unit 3: Growing Up, Getting Along
- Do now: finish both sentences. A good friend always ___. A good friend never ___
Teacher notes
Collect five "always" answers and five "never" answers on the board in two columns. Do not sort them yet; you sort them during Steps 1 and 2. A class that writes only "is nice" needs the six signs slowly.
Everything on that board fits into eleven words
- Six words are the signs of a relationship that is good for you
- Five words are the signs of one that is not
- By the end of today you know all eleven, and what to do about the five
- The signs are the same at every age. A friend, a teammate, a cousin, a coach, a group chat
Teacher notes
Image: a plain two-column board with tally marks under "always" and "never," and eleven small circles waiting to be filled in below it.
Healthy signs 1 to 3
- Respect (a handshake): they listen when you say no and do not push again
- Trust (an unlocked phone): you do not check their phone and they do not check yours
- Honesty (an open book): they tell you the truth even when it is awkward
Teacher notes
Image: three icons in a row, a handshake, a phone with no lock symbol, an open book.
As you show each one, move the matching "always" answers from the board under it. Students copy the six onto the answer sheet.
Healthy signs 4 to 6
- Support (a hand reaching down): they show up when it is hard, not only when it is fun
- Fairness (a balance scale): you both give, you both get. It is not always your turn to pay or apologize
- Separate identities (two circles that overlap a little, not completely): you have other friends and other interests, and so do they
Teacher notes
Image: a hand reaching down to another hand, a balance scale level at the center, and two circles overlapping about a quarter of the way.
Separate identities is the one they have never heard named. Give the team example: you can have a best friend and still sit with somebody else at lunch.
Unhealthy signs 1 to 3
- Control (a closed padlock): tells you what to wear, who to talk to, checks your phone, wants your passwords
- Put-downs (a speech bubble with a jagged edge): jokes that only go one way, insults in front of others
- Isolation (a circle of people with one pushed outside it): wants you away from your other friends or your family
Teacher notes
Image: a padlock, a jagged-edged speech bubble, and a ring of small figures with one figure standing outside the ring.
Sort the "never" column from the board into these as you go. Students copy the five.
Unhealthy signs 4 and 5, and the pattern rule
- Pressure (a hand pushing a figure forward): keeps pushing after you said no, makes you feel guilty for the no
- Fear (a figure stepping back): you are careful what you say around them because of how they will react
- One bad day is not a sign. A pattern is
- Fear is a tell-an-adult sign on its own, the first time
Teacher notes
Image: a hand pushing a small figure forward, and a figure with one foot back and shoulders drawn in.
Say the pattern rule twice today. Otherwise every card with a raised voice gets sorted unhealthy and every card with a smile gets sorted healthy. Students circle the sign they think is hardest to notice and get ready to say why.
The card sort
- Groups of three. One card set, one sort mat, your own answer sheet
- Three columns: healthy, unhealthy, depends
- Every card gets a column. No leftovers
- For every unhealthy card, write the sign it shows on your answer sheet
- A "depends" card needs one sentence: "It depends on whether ___." 11 minutes
Teacher notes
Grade 6 and IEP/504 groups use cards 1 to 16 and the depends column is optional. Grade 8 groups take 17 to 24 and rank the five unhealthy signs from easiest to hardest to notice. A card that is too close to home can be set face down; no explanation needed.
Two rules for the sort
- One bad day is not a sign. A pattern is
- Fear is a tell-an-adult sign the first time, on its own
- No card is about anyone in this room. Every card is a role
- If your group cannot agree, put it in "depends" and write what it depends on
Teacher notes
Clipboard while you circulate: does the group sort control and fear as unhealthy every time, name the sign on unhealthy cards, and explain a depends card with a real condition? Card 7 (the password card) in "depends" gets the question "what would make asking for a password okay?" Card 19 (fear) anywhere but unhealthy is a stop and talk.
Check your sort
- Healthy: 1, 3, 5, 8, 10, 14, 16, 20, 22, 24
- Unhealthy: 2, 4, 6, 7, 9, 11, 13, 15, 17, 19, 21, 23
- Depends: 12, 18
- Fix what you have, then argue one card with your group
Teacher notes
Reveal at eight minutes. Take the argument on card 18, the coach: yelling instructions during a game is normal, insults are put-downs, and explaining afterward and asking how you are doing are both healthy signs.
Three moves when a sign shows up
- Say something: an I-message, from Lesson 3.10. Works for a put-down from a friend who did not mean it
- Step back: less time, keep your other friends, keep your passwords
- Tell a trusted adult: for control, isolation, pressure that will not stop, and always for fear
- On your answer sheet: pick one unhealthy card, say what you would do and why
Teacher notes
Image: three icons, a speech bubble with "I," a footprint stepping backward, and a figure walking toward a door with a nameplate.
Who to tell in this building
- The counselor [Sal: name, room ___]
- The nurse [Sal: name, room ___]
- Any teacher, me included, or the main office
- An adult at home
- The approved help line [Sal: the number the counselor approves]
- [Sal: add the dean and the social worker with names and rooms if your building has them]
Teacher notes
Image: a plain list with a small doorway icon beside each line.
The counselor speaks for the rest of this step: where the office is, what happens when a student walks in (it is not trouble), and two questions. If the counselor cannot come, keep the six minutes anyway, show this slide, and read the three sentences they gave you. Students write the counselor's name and room on the answer sheet.
Questions
- Which healthy sign is "you have other friends and so do they"?
- A friend checks your phone "as a joke." Which sign is that, and does the joke change it?
- Why is it hard to see these signs in your own friendship and easy to see them in somebody else's?
- A relationship has five of the six healthy signs and one unhealthy one. Is it healthy? What does the answer depend on?
- Is telling the counselor about a friend a betrayal? What is the other way to look at it?
Teacher notes
Nobody describes their own relationships aloud. If a student starts a real story, redirect: "would that be a healthy or unhealthy sign on a card?"
Exit card and tomorrow
- 3-2-1 at the bottom of the answer sheet: 3 healthy signs, 2 unhealthy signs, 1 adult in this building you would tell (a title, not a friend)
- Three students read their "1"
- Tomorrow: boundaries, and what to say when somebody pushes past one
- Day 2 tomorrow is the Communication Performance Task. Bring the last three handouts
Teacher notes
Sort into "got it" and "needs more." Any card that names no adult, or only a friend, gets a quiet follow up tomorrow.