Slide outline for Lesson 3.13, two days. Slides 1 to 12 are Day 1. Slides 13 to 22 are Day 2, and Day 2 holds the Communication Performance Task, the formal check for Topic 3.3, in its last 25 minutes (six minutes of planning, twenty minutes of performances, four minutes of self-score). Slide 4 is the statement of what this class is and is not about; say it out loud every year. Nothing here is about the body. That is health class.
Friendship, Boundaries, and Saying No
- Lesson 3.13, Day 1: Communication, Conflict, Relationships
- Unit 3: Growing Up, Getting Along
- Do now: think of a friendship from elementary school that is different now. No names
- Circle one: it got closer, it drifted, it ended. Then one sentence on what changed
Teacher notes
Hand vote on the three. Most hands go to drifted. Do not ask anyone to say who or what happened.
Drifting is not a failure
- It is what happens when two people grow
- Today: how friendships change, how to draw a line with a friend, and how to say no without losing them
- Tomorrow: the performance task. Ninety seconds, four criteria
Teacher notes
Image: two paths starting at the same point and slowly separating, both still going forward.
Friendship from 11 to 14
- Making: friends come from what you do together, a team, a class, a bus. You make them by showing up and asking
- Keeping: the six healthy signs from yesterday, plus time
- Drifting: interests change, schedules change, schools change. A drift is not a fight
- You can let a friendship drift kindly
Teacher notes
On the handout Part 1, students write one way to make a friend, one way to keep one, and one kind way to let one drift.
What this class is about, and what it is not
- Any relationship at this age, a friend, a teammate, a person you like, is healthy for the same reasons and unhealthy for the same reasons
- This class: what a good relationship looks like, how to draw a line, how to say no and be heard
- Questions about the body go to health class with [Sal: health teacher's name]
- Anything that worries you goes to the counselor [Sal: name, room ___]
Teacher notes
Say this plainly and do not paraphrase it away. Students and parents both need to hear it. If a student pushes the conversation to the body, the answer is "that is a health class question, and [health teacher's name] is the person to ask."
A boundary, in three parts
- A boundary is a line about what is okay with you
- I am okay with ___
- I am not okay with ___
- If it happens, I will ___
- "I am okay with you borrowing my notes. I am not okay with you posting my notes in the chat. If it happens, I will stop sharing them"
Teacher notes
Image: a plain line drawn across a page with "okay" on one side and "not okay" on the other.
Students copy the frame onto Part 2.
Two traps, and how to respect a boundary
- Trap 1: no "I will." Nothing happens, so nothing changes
- Trap 2: a demand. "You have to stop being friends with them" is not a boundary about you
- When somebody gives you a boundary: say "okay"
- Do not argue. Do not make them explain it
Teacher notes
The "okay" is the whole skill on the receiving side. Practice it out loud with the room, once, together.
Your turn: scenario A
- A friend keeps taking food off your tray at lunch without asking
- Write the three parts on the handout
- Check it: is the third part something you will do, not something they must do?
Teacher notes
Take two out loud. A strong one: "I am okay with sharing a fry if you ask. I am not okay with food taken off my tray without asking. If it happens, I will move my tray."
The three-part no
- Say it: a plain, short no. "No, I am not doing that"
- Say why once: one reason, not a speech
- Offer what you will do instead
- "No, I am not skipping practice. Coach benches anyone who skips. But I will come to the game after"
Teacher notes
Image: three stacked strips labeled say it, one reason, instead.
This is the same skill as the four refusal steps from Lesson 3.6 (say no clearly, give a reason, offer an alternative, walk away), tightened to three for a friend you are keeping.
What makes a no hard to hear
- Laughing while you say it
- Saying "maybe" when you mean no
- Saying it to the floor
- A no that sounds like a maybe gets a second push, and you earned it
Teacher notes
Demonstrate all three in five seconds each. The room will laugh at the third one, which is why they remember it.
Practice: six pushes
- Partner A pushes twice. Only twice. That is the rule
- Partner B gives the three-part no
- Partner A says "okay"
- Three scenarios each way, then switch
- Check off on the handout: plain no, one reason, offered something. 10 minutes
Teacher notes
Clipboard: plain no, one reason not a speech, offered something, pusher said okay after two. A pair whose pusher keeps going past two gets the reminder that a third push after two clear nos is what Lesson 3.12 called pressure. Grade 6 and IEP/504 pairs do four scenarios.
Group chat rules
- 1. Nothing you would not say to the face
- 2. No screenshots shared outside the chat
- 3. Leaving the chat is allowed and is not an insult
- 4. If someone is being put down, say something or tell an adult. Do not just watch
- 5. One rule this class adds: ______
Teacher notes
Open with "what has gone wrong in a group chat you have seen?" No names, no screenshots shown. Take three, then show the rules. Vote on rule 5 and write it on the slide.
Day 1 exit card and what tomorrow is
- 3-2-1: 3 parts of a boundary, 2 parts of a clear no, 1 group chat rule you would add to a chat you are in
- Tomorrow is the Communication Performance Task
- Pairs draw one scenario card, plan for six minutes, perform for 90 seconds
- Four criteria, 0 to 3 each, 12 points. The planning sheet and the checklist are in your handout now
Teacher notes
Three students read their "1." The "needs more" pile gets a two-minute check-in during tomorrow's planning. Post the performance order tonight so nobody waits without knowing.
Day 2: the Communication Performance Task
- Lesson 3.13, Day 2
- Do now: write the four things your exchange has to include today. Check your handout if you need to
- The performance order is posted. Find your number
Teacher notes
One student reads the four: active listening, an I-message, one conflict step, a clear boundary or no. Then the hook: ninety seconds, and you have practiced every piece.
The task
- Draw one scenario card with your partner
- Plan six minutes on the planning sheet
- Perform a 90-second exchange
- One person opens with an I-message. The other uses all four listening moves and restates
- One conflict step is said out loud. One boundary or no is stated and respected
Teacher notes
Read it aloud. Take two questions, then stop taking questions about the script.
The four criteria
- 1. The I-message has all four parts and names a feeling
- 2. The listener uses eyes, body, restate, and ask
- 3. One conflict step is used out loud and fits the scenario
- 4. A boundary or a no is stated clearly and the other person respects it
- Somebody has to say "so you are saying," or criterion 2 is a 1
Teacher notes
Image: four numbered boxes in a row, each with a small icon: a speech bubble with "I," an ear, a footprint, and a line drawn across a page.
The most common failure is both students talking and nobody listening. Say that sentence about criterion 2 before they plan.
The 0 to 3 scale
- 0: missing
- 1: attempted, incomplete
- 2: done
- 3: done, and it changed what happened next
- 12 points. This is the formal check for this topic
- One retake with a new card during Lesson 3.15's do now time. Best score counts
Teacher notes
Explain the 3 in one sentence: a 3 is when the move actually moved the other person.
Draw your card and decide who opens
- Cards are face down. One per pair
- Cards 1 to 6 name the conflict step for you
- Cards 7 to 12 let you choose the step
- Read the card. Decide who opens. Write both names on the planning sheet
Teacher notes
Grade 6 draws from 1 to 6 and performs for 60 seconds. Grade 8 draws from 7 to 12 and also writes the other person's shared want on the self-assessment. A student may keep the listener role, which has fewer lines.
Planning, six minutes
- The I-message, all four parts
- The restate line and the question
- The conflict step and how it will sound
- The boundary or the no, and how the other person respects it
- Who says what, in order, on the numbered lines
Teacher notes
Timer on the slide. Circulate and answer questions about the scenario only, not the script. Check in with yesterday's "needs more" students here. A student who needs a script may read from the planning sheet during the performance.
Performances, 90 seconds each
- We go in the posted order
- The timer is on the screen. It stops you
- The next pair stands while the timer resets
- No comments between pairs. We talk at the end
- 20 minutes. Every pair performs
Teacher notes
Score live, four criteria, numbers only, no comments on the clipboard. [Sal: with more than 22 students, run a second corner with a student timekeeper, or run the last three pairs at the start of Lesson 3.14 before the do now, and say so now.] A student who cannot perform in front of the class performs for me at the table.
While you watch
- Watch quietly. No feedback from the floor
- Count the criteria in your head. It makes your own turn better
- No applause until the end, then applause for everyone
Teacher notes
Keep the resets fast. Ten to eleven pairs fit if nobody has to be found.
Self-score
- Score your own exchange, four criteria, 0 to 3 each
- Total out of 12
- Write the one criterion you would improve, and how
- Turn in the planning sheet with your self-score on it. 4 minutes
Teacher notes
A self-score within one point of mine on every criterion is accurate self-assessment; note it in the folder. Pairs off by two or more on any criterion get a one-line note back from me.
One round of voice, and tomorrow
- Two students: one thing another pair did well. A move, not a person
- Questions to think about: a friend respects your boundary but is clearly annoyed. Did the boundary work?
- You said a perfect no and your friend pushed a third time. What is that a sign of, and what is your next move?
- Tomorrow: families. What a family is, and how families change
Teacher notes
Collect the planning sheets and self-scores. The pressure answer for the third push is Lesson 3.12's fifth unhealthy sign, and the next move is step back or tell a trusted adult.