Name: ______________________________ Date: ______________ Group: ______
Directions: Part 1 is the sort mat and the 24 cards (the teacher prints the cards once per group and cuts them apart). Part 2 is your own answer sheet: the eleven signs, the sign for each unhealthy card, your "depends" sentences, and what you would do. The exit card is at the bottom. No card is about anyone in this room. Every card is a role: a friend, a teammate, a cousin, a person in a group chat.
Part 1: The sort mat
Lay the cards in three columns. Every card gets a column.
| HEALTHY | UNHEALTHY | DEPENDS |
|---|---|---|
| A sign of a relationship that is good for you | A sign of one that is not | You need to know one more thing first |
Rules: one bad day is not a sign; a pattern is. Fear is a tell-an-adult sign the first time, on its own.
The 24 cards (teacher: cut apart; one set per group)
| Card | What the person does |
|---|---|
| 1 | Listens when you say no and does not push again. |
| 2 | Tells you what to wear so you "look right." |
| 3 | Has other friends and is fine that you do too. |
| 4 | Makes jokes about you in front of others, and the jokes only go one way. |
| 5 | Shows up when things are hard, not only when it is fun. |
| 6 | Gets upset when you spend time with your family or your other friends. |
| 7 | Asks for your phone password "so we can trust each other." |
| 8 | Tells you the truth even when it is awkward. |
| 9 | You find yourself careful about what you say around them because of how they react. |
| 10 | Apologizes and makes it right when they mess up. |
| 11 | Keeps asking after you said no, and says "you would if you were a real friend." |
| 12 | Sometimes wants to do their own thing on a weekend instead of hanging out. |
| 13 | It is always your turn to pay, apologize, or give in. |
| 14 | Disagrees with you sometimes and says so without insulting you. |
| 15 | Checks your phone "as a joke" when you are not looking. |
| 16 | Cheers for you when you win, even when they lost. |
| 17 | In the group chat, screenshots what you wrote and sends it to someone outside the chat. |
| 18 | A coach yells during the game, then explains what to fix afterward and asks how you are doing. |
| 19 | You are afraid of what will happen if you tell them something they will not like. |
| 20 | A cousin borrows your things and always brings them back. |
| 21 | Says "nobody else likes you, you only have me." |
| 22 | Forgot your birthday once, felt bad, and made it up to you. |
| 23 | Wants to know where you are and who you are with, every hour, and gets angry if you do not answer. |
| 24 | Tells you when they think you are making a mistake, then supports you either way. |
Part 2: Answer sheet
The eleven signs
| Healthy (6) | What it means | Unhealthy (5) | What it means |
|---|---|---|---|
| Respect | Control | ||
| Trust | Put-downs | ||
| Honesty | Isolation | ||
| Support | Pressure | ||
| Fairness | Fear | ||
| Separate identities |
Sign words in other languages:
| English | Turkish | Portuguese | Spanish |
|---|---|---|---|
| respect | saygı | respeito | respeto |
| trust | güven | confiança | confianza |
| honesty | dürüstlük | honestidade | honestidad |
| support | destek | apoio | apoyo |
| fairness | adalet | justiça | justicia |
| separate identities | ayrı kimlikler | identidades separadas | identidades separadas |
| control | kontrol | controle | control |
| put-downs | aşağılama | humilhações | desprecios |
| isolation | yalnızlaştırma | isolamento | aislamiento |
| pressure | baskı | pressão | presión |
| fear | korku | medo | miedo |
The unhealthy cards: which sign?
For every card you put in UNHEALTHY, write the card number and the sign it shows.
| Card | Sign | Card | Sign | Card | Sign |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
The "depends" cards
For every card in DEPENDS, write what it depends on. "It depends on whether ___."
Card ____: It depends on whether ________________________________________________
Card ____: It depends on whether ________________________________________________
Card ____: It depends on whether ________________________________________________
What to do, and who to tell
Three moves: say something (an I-message), step back (less time, keep your other friends, keep your passwords), tell a trusted adult (for control, isolation, pressure that will not stop, and always for fear).
Pick one UNHEALTHY card. Card ____. What I would do: ______________________ Why: ________________________________________________
The counselor's name: ______________________ Room: ______
Other adults in this building I could tell: ______________________ ______________________
Exit card: 3-2-1
3 healthy signs: ______________ ______________ ______________
2 unhealthy signs: ______________ ______________
1 adult in this building I would tell (a title, not a friend): ______________________