Name: ______________________________ Date: ______________ Partner: ______________
Directions: Part 1 is the listening game. Part 2 is the four listening moves. Part 3 is the I-message frame with practice. Part 4 is the partner checklist you fill while your partner listens to you. The exit card is at the bottom.
Part 1: Draw/See/Hear, the listening round
Rules: the describer holds the card so the drawer cannot see it and describes it in words only. The drawer draws on scrap paper. For the first 45 seconds, the drawer may not ask any questions. When the teacher says "questions open," the drawer may ask. Two minutes total. Then compare.
One thing that got better after questions opened: ________________________________________________
Picture cards (teacher cuts these apart; one pair of cards per pair of students, face down)
Card A. A house in the middle of the page. The house is a square with a triangle roof. One door in the middle of the front, two square windows, one on each side of the door. A round sun in the top right corner. A tree on the left side of the house, taller than the house, with a round top. Three birds drawn as small "m" shapes in the sky on the left.
Card B. A table in the middle of the page, seen from the side, with four legs. On the table, from left to right: a tall glass, a round plate with a triangle of pizza on it, a small square napkin. Under the table, a cat sitting up, facing right. A window above the table on the right side, with a half moon in it.
Part 2: The four listening moves
| Move | What it looks like | Icon |
|---|---|---|
| Eyes | Look at the speaker. Phone face down. | an eye |
| Body | Turn toward them. Nod. Arms open, not folded. | a person turned toward another |
| Restate | Say it back: "So you are saying ___." | a speech bubble with an arrow back |
| Ask | One question: "What happened next?" "What do you need?" | a question mark |
Hearing is what your ears do. Listening is what you do.
Part 3: The I-message
A you-statement blames: "You always ___." The other person argues back.
An I-message says what you feel and what you need. Nobody has to argue with a feeling.
I feel [a feeling word] when [what happened] because [why it matters] and I need [one specific thing].
Feeling words: frustrated, left out, worried, embarrassed, hurt, annoyed, confused, nervous, ignored, unheard.
Two traps:
- A fake I-message: "I feel like you are a thief." The word after "I feel" has to be a feeling.
- A vague need: "I need you to be better." A need is something the other person could do tomorrow.
Example 1 (done with the class). You-statement: "You always take my stuff without asking."
I-message: I feel frustrated when my charger gets taken without asking because then my phone is dead by lunch, and I need you to ask first.
Example 2 (do it with the class). You-statement: "You never save me a seat."
I feel ________________ when ________________________________ because ________________________________, and I need ________________________________.
Sentence frame in other languages
| English | Turkish | Portuguese | Spanish |
|---|---|---|---|
| I feel ___ when ___ because ___, and I need ___. | ___ olduğunda ___ hissediyorum çünkü ___, ve ___ ihtiyacım var. | Eu me sinto ___ quando ___ porque ___, e eu preciso de ___. | Me siento ___ cuando ___ porque ___, y necesito ___. |
| So you are saying ___. | Yani ___ diyorsun. | Então você está dizendo que ___. | Entonces lo que dices es ___. |
Part 4: Practice pairs
Pick a you-statement from the list. Rewrite it as an I-message below. Say it to your partner. Your partner listens with all four moves and answers with a restate and one question. Check off the moves your partner used. Then switch.
You-statements (1 to 5 for everyone; 6 to 7 next; 8 to 10 are the stretch):
- "You always cut in front of me in line."
- "You took the last one and did not even ask."
- "You never pass the ball."
- "You keep touching my things."
- "You are always late and we miss the bus."
- "You laughed when I messed up."
- "You told everyone what I said."
- "You added people to the group chat without asking any of us."
- "You started a rumor about my friend."
- "You made the rule that I cannot go out on weekends and never told me why."
My I-message 1 (from you-statement number ____):
I feel ________________ when ________________________________ because ________________________________, and I need ________________________________.
Partner's listening moves (check the ones your partner used): ☐ eyes ☐ body ☐ restate ☐ ask
My I-message 2 (from you-statement number ____):
I feel ________________ when ________________________________ because ________________________________, and I need ________________________________.
Partner's listening moves: ☐ eyes ☐ body ☐ restate ☐ ask
The move my partner said was my weakest as a listener: ______________ One fix: ______________________
Exit card: 3-2-1
3 listening moves from memory: ______________ ______________ ______________
2 parts of the I-message frame: ______________ ______________
1 person outside this room (a role, not a name) I could use an I-message with this week: ______________