Slide outline for Lesson 3.11, two days. Slides 1 to 12 are Day 1. Slides 13 to 24 are Day 2. Scenarios come from Handout 3.11 Part 3. Card 8 is a rung 5 card and is never role played; it appears only on slide 22. Keep the escalation ladder on the board or the screen both days so students can point at a rung instead of naming it.
Conflict: Prevent, Manage, Repair
- Lesson 3.11, Day 1: Communication, Conflict, Relationships
- Unit 3: Growing Up, Getting Along
- Do now: a conflict from a movie, a show, or a book. Not your own life
- Two lines: Person 1 wanted ___. Person 2 wanted ___
Teacher notes
Take three. Each time ask "did they fight, or did they want different things?" If yesterday's exit cards had a big "needs more" pile, spend two minutes on the I-message frame first.
Every conflict is two wants bumping
- Conflict is two or more people wanting different things at the same time
- A fight is what happens if nobody stops the bump
- Today: how a bump turns into a fight, and how to stop it on the way up
- Tomorrow: you are in a conflict on purpose, with a coach
Teacher notes
Image: two arrows coming from opposite sides and meeting at a small starburst in the middle.
Four causes at this age
- Things: a charger, a seat, food
- Turns: who goes first, who decides
- Words: a joke that landed wrong, a rumor
- Fairness: a chore, a grade in a group project
- Sort your do now example into one of the four
Teacher notes
Students copy the four causes onto Handout Part 1 with one example each. Take a show of hands per cause; "things" and "words" usually win.
The escalation ladder
- Rung 1, a bump: a look, an eye roll, a small comment
- Rung 2, words: a sharp answer, a door
- Rung 3, loud: raised voices, "you always," "you never"
- Rung 4, ugly: insults, threats, texting others about it
- Rung 5, unsafe: anything physical, a threat, a weapon, anything that scares you
Teacher notes
Image: a five-rung ladder drawn upright, rung 1 at the bottom in light shading, rung 5 at the top in the darkest shading.
Students fill the rung names on the handout ladder. Read rung 5 slowly. Say all four parts out loud: physical, threat, weapon, scares you.
The rule about the top of the ladder
- Anything above rung 4 is not yours to handle alone
- Not because you are weak. Because it stopped being a conflict
- Prevention is stepping off at rung 1: ask instead of grab, say it before it grows
Teacher notes
Say this on Day 1 and again on Day 2. Do not let a student think the five steps work on rung 5.
The five steps: 1 to 3
- 1. Cool down (a thermometer going down): walk, breathe, count, wait until your voice is normal
- 2. I-message (a speech bubble with "I"): I feel ___ when ___ because ___, and I need ___
- 3. Listen (an ear): eyes, body, restate, ask
Teacher notes
Image: three icons in a row, a thermometer with a downward arrow, a speech bubble holding the letter I, and an ear.
Steps 2 and 3 are yesterday's lesson. Say that out loud so they see the build.
The five steps: 4 and 5
- 4. Find the shared want (two arrows pointing at one circle): what do we both want? To stay friends. To finish the project. To keep the peace at home
- 5. Agree on one step (a footprint): one thing each person will do, small enough to do today
- "We both want the charger" is not a shared want. "We both want to stop fighting about the charger" is
Teacher notes
Image: two arrows converging on a single circle, and a single footprint.
Students copy all five into the checklist column on the handout. The test for a shared want is whether both people would say yes to it out loud.
The model: the charger
- Scenario 1: two cousins, one charger, a dead phone by lunch, and "you always do this"
- Watch me walk all five steps with a volunteer
- Mark on your ladder: where did it start? Where did it stop?
- Where could someone have stepped off at rung 1?
Teacher notes
Narrate each step as you do it. It starts at rung 3 ("you always") and should end at rung 1 or lower. The rung 1 answer is "ask, do not grab."
The class conflict map
- Groups of four. Three scenario cards per group
- For each card, one sticky note with three things: the cause, the rung, the shared want
- Post the note on the class ladder, at the rung where the conflict is
- Be ready to defend one placement. 12 minutes
Teacher notes
Grade 6 and IEP/504 groups get cards 1 to 5 only. Two cards per group if time is tight. Check each group's first note before they post it.
What goes on the sticky note
- Cause: things / turns / words / fairness
- Rung: 1 to 5
- Shared want: something both people would say yes to
- One note per card. Card number in the corner
Teacher notes
Image: a sticky note with three labeled lines and a small number in the top right corner.
Read the map
- Which rung has the most notes?
- Pick a note: what is the first step you would take?
- The higher the rung, the longer the cool down
- Which card is at rung 5, and why does that change what you do?
Teacher notes
Pick two notes at different rungs and ask the group that wrote each one. Card 8 is the rung 5 answer.
Day 1 exit card and tomorrow
- On the handout: one conflict from the class map, its rung, and the first step you would take
- Two students read one aloud
- Tomorrow: role plays in triads, with a coach holding a checklist
- Bring the handout. Keep the five steps filled in
Teacher notes
"Got it" means the first step matches the rung: rung 1 ask or say it, rung 2 or 3 cool down, rung 5 tell an adult.
Day 2: In a conflict on purpose
- Lesson 3.11, Day 2
- Do now: write the five steps in order from memory. Stuck? The ladder is on your handout
- Then: roles, rules, a model, and three rounds
Teacher notes
One student reads the five. Then the hook: today you are in a conflict on purpose, with a coach watching you do it right.
The three roles
- Person 1 and Person 2: you are in the conflict
- Coach: hold the checklist, watch, and check each step you see
- The Coach may say "pause" one time, to name the step that got skipped
- Everybody coaches once. Roles rotate every round
Teacher notes
Image: three figures in a triangle, the top one holding a clipboard.
Triads are assigned; plan them the night before so every triad has a student who will actually coach. The Coach role has no speaking under pressure, so it is the right round for a student who needs one.
The rules of the role play
- The conflict starts at rung 2 or 3. Never higher
- No touching
- No real names. No real events from this room
- When the Coach says "pause," you freeze
- Every role play ends with the one step you both agreed on, said out loud
Teacher notes
Read every line. If any triad climbs above rung 3, I call "pause" myself.
Watch the model, listen for the pause
- Two volunteers in the conflict, I am the Coach
- 60 seconds
- I will say "pause" once. Listen for what I name
- Then watch how they finish: the shared want, then the one step
Teacher notes
Skip a step on purpose in the model so the pause has something to catch. Cool down is the best one to skip, because it is the one they will skip.
Three rounds
- Draw a scenario card: numbers 1 to 7. Cards 9 and 10 are the stretch
- Four minutes per round: three minutes of role play, one minute for the Coach to read the checklist back
- Rotate roles. Everyone coaches once
- If your card is too close to home, trade it
- 13 minutes
Teacher notes
Circulate with the clipboard: cooled down before speaking, I-message had four parts, listener restated, shared want named, one step agreed and said aloud. Five yeses in round 2 earns card 9 or 10 in round 3. Never card 8.
After each round, write two things
- The shared want we found: ______
- The one step we agreed on: ______
- Both people write it, not just one
- A truce is not a shared want. A truce is "fine, forget it"
Teacher notes
Grade 8 stretch line on the Coach checklist: did they find the shared want, or settle for a truce? Grade 8 also writes two sentences on compromise (each gives something) versus a shared want (both get the thing underneath).
Repair, after the conflict
- Even a conflict you handled well leaves a mark
- 1. Apologize: say what you did
- 2. Make it right: return it, redo it, fix it
- 3. Move on: do not bring it up next week
Teacher notes
Image: three icons, a mouth speaking, two hands passing an object back, and a calendar page turning.
Students copy the three repair steps onto Part 5.
Two apologies
- Not an apology: "Sorry you feel that way." "It is fine now, right?" "Remember when you ..."
- A real apology: "I am sorry I yelled. That was not fair to you"
- Make it right: "I will bring your charger back charged"
- On the handout: the three repair steps for scenario 7, the slammed door
Teacher notes
Model the bad one first, in the same voice people really use. Then the real one. Ask the room which one they would accept.
When it is not yours to handle alone
- Rung 5: anything physical, a threat, a weapon, anything that scares you
- Also any conflict that keeps coming back no matter what you do
- Who to ask: an adult at home; the counselor [Sal: name, room ___] or the nurse [Sal: name]; any teacher, me included, or the main office; the approved help line [Sal: the number your building approves]
- Telling is not tattling. Tattling is trying to get someone in trouble. Telling is trying to get someone safe
Teacher notes
Say the four parts of rung 5 out loud every class. If a student reports something today, follow the building's reporting steps. [Sal: have those steps in front of you before you teach this; you are a mandated reporter.]
Card 8: report only
- A student is getting texts that say "wait until I see you" and "you will be sorry." Today that student got shoved in the hall
- This card is never role played
- Its only job: on the handout, who would you tell, and why that person?
Teacher notes
A friend alone is not an acceptable answer. A student who writes "handle it myself" gets a conversation, today, not later.
Debrief questions
- Did your conflict get handled, or just paused? How do you know?
- Why does cooling down come before the I-message? What happens if you skip it?
- Two people find the shared want and still cannot agree on one step. What now?
- Is telling an adult a failure to handle it yourself? When is it the strongest move?
Teacher notes
Ask two triads the first question. Then ask the class which card should never be role played and only reported.
Day 2 exit card and tomorrow
- 3-2-1: 3 of the five steps, 2 of the three repair steps, 1 kind of conflict you would bring to an adult
- Three students read their "1"
- Tomorrow: healthy and unhealthy relationships, and the signs you can actually see
Teacher notes
The "needs more" pile decides whether Lesson 3.13 Day 2 opens with a five-step review before the performance task. Collect the Coach checklists by triad.