Slide outline for Lesson 3.10, one day. Fourteen slides. Slides 5 to 8 are one per listening move and each carries the icon that is also printed on Handout 3.10 Part 2. Slide 9 is the live wrong-then-right model; do not cut it. Feelings word bank stays on screen from slide 10 to the end of the period.
Listening and I-Messages
- Lesson 3.10: Communication, Conflict, Relationships
- Unit 3: Growing Up, Getting Along
- Do now: write the difference between hearing someone and listening to someone. One or two sentences
- Then: name a great listener (nobody in this room) and one thing that person does
Teacher notes
Cold call three for "one thing that person does." Write the actions on the board: looks at me, does not interrupt, asks questions. Count how many do nows say anything past "being quiet"; that count decides whether Step 1 takes seven minutes or five.
You have felt this before
- Everyone in here has been talked at by someone who was not listening
- You are going to feel it again in two minutes
- Then you are going to learn to never do it to someone else
Teacher notes
Image: two figures side by side, one with a large speech bubble, the other looking away with a small flat line where a bubble would be.
Draw/See/Hear, the listening round
- Describer: hold the card so your partner cannot see it. Words only
- Drawer: draw on the scrap sheet
- First 45 seconds: the drawer may not ask one single question
- When I say "questions open," ask anything
- Two minutes total, then compare the drawing to the card
Teacher notes
Cards are face down at each pair already. Start the timer with the slide. Call "questions open" at 45 seconds, out loud, once.
What changed when questions opened?
- Compare the drawing to the card
- On the handout Part 1: one thing that got better after questions opened
- Three answers from the room
- Asking is listening. Staying quiet is not the same thing
Teacher notes
Take three answers and push for specifics: position, size, or how many. Land the point in one sentence before moving on.
Move 1: Eyes (an eye)
- Look at the speaker
- Phone face down, not in your hand
- You do not have to stare. You have to look up
Teacher notes
Image: a single open eye drawn plainly, and a phone lying face down next to it.
Move 2: Body (a person turned toward another)
- Turn toward them
- Nod when you follow
- Arms open, not folded. Do not turn away
- Your face and body send a message before your mouth does
Teacher notes
Image: two figures, one turned squarely toward the other, arms loose at the sides.
This is HDR 2. d): personal image is projected through appearance, verbal and nonverbal communication, behavior, and action. Say it in student words.
Move 3: Restate (a speech bubble with an arrow back)
- Say it back before you answer
- "So you are saying ___"
- You are checking, not agreeing
Teacher notes
Image: a speech bubble with a curved arrow returning to the first speaker.
ELL sentence starter is printed on the handout in Turkish, Portuguese, and Spanish.
Move 4: Ask (a question mark)
- One question, not five
- "What happened next?"
- "What do you need?"
- A question proves you were listening. Nothing else does
Teacher notes
Image: a large question mark with a small ear beside it.
Students copy all four moves onto the checklist header on the handout, Part 2.
Watch me do it wrong, then right
- Round 1: I have my phone, I am turned away, I cut you off
- Round 2: eyes, body, restate, ask
- Your job: name the four moves you saw in round 2
Teacher notes
A volunteer tells me about their morning. Do round 1 badly enough that the room reacts, then round 2 clean. Ask for the four moves by name. Never cut this slide; students remember the phone face down longer than anything I say.
The you-statement
- "You always take my stuff without asking"
- What does a person do when they hear "you always"?
- They defend. They argue back. Now there are two problems
Teacher notes
Image: two figures, one pointing a finger, the other with arms crossed and leaning back.
Take two answers before revealing the second line.
The I-message frame
- I feel [a feeling word]
- when [what happened]
- because [why it matters]
- and I need [one specific thing]
- Nobody has to argue with a feeling
Teacher notes
Image: four stacked blank strips, one per part of the frame, in four shades.
Students copy the frame onto Part 3. Feeling words stay on screen: frustrated, left out, worried, embarrassed, hurt, annoyed, confused, nervous, ignored, unheard.
Two traps, and the class rewrite
- Trap 1, the fake I-message: "I feel like you are a thief." The word after "I feel" has to be a feeling
- Trap 2, the vague need: "I need you to be better." A need is something they could do tomorrow
- Example 1, together: "You always take my stuff without asking"
- I feel frustrated when my charger gets taken without asking because then my phone is dead by lunch, and I need you to ask first
- Example 2, your turn on the handout: "You never save me a seat"
Teacher notes
Do Example 2 as a class, out loud, in the frame. An I-message is the assertive choice, not the loud one and not the silent one.
Practice pairs
- Partner A: pick a you-statement from the list. Rewrite it as an I-message. Say it out loud
- Partner B: all four moves. Answer with a restate and one question
- Partner A: check off the moves B used on the checklist
- Switch. Two rounds each if we have time
- Write both of your I-messages on the handout. 11 minutes
Teacher notes
Numbers 1 to 5 for everyone, 6 and 7 next, 8 to 10 are the stretch. Circulate with the clipboard: all four parts, a specific need, restate before ask. Three yeses moves a pair to 8 to 10. A vague need gets the question "what exactly do you want them to do tomorrow?"
Questions and exit card
- Which listening move is the hardest to fake?
- Is "I feel like you never listen to me" an I-message? Why not?
- If you say a perfect I-message and the person still yells, did it fail? What did it do anyway?
- Exit card 3-2-1 at the bottom of the handout: 3 listening moves from memory, 2 parts of the I-message frame, 1 person outside this room (a role, not a name) you could use an I-message with this week
- Tomorrow: conflict, and how a small bump turns into a fight
Teacher notes
Three students read their "1." Sort the cards into "got it" and "needs more"; the "needs more" pile decides whether Lesson 3.11 opens with a two-minute I-message review.