Name: ______________________________ Date: ______________ Triad: ______
Directions: Day 1: fill Part 1 (the ladder) and Part 2 (the five steps) as we go, then use the scenario cards in Part 3 for the class conflict map. Day 2: use the Coach Checklist in Part 4 during role plays, then fill Part 5 (repair) and Part 6 (when it is not safe to handle alone). Exit cards at the bottom.
Part 1: What conflict is, and the escalation ladder
Conflict is two or more people wanting different things at the same time.
Four common causes at this age (write one example of each from the do now):
| Cause | Example |
|---|---|
| Things (a charger, a seat, food) | |
| Turns (who goes first, who decides) | |
| Words (a joke that landed wrong, a rumor) | |
| Fairness (a chore, a group project) |
The escalation ladder (fill in the rung names as the teacher shows them):
| Rung | Name | What it looks like |
|---|---|---|
| 5 | Anything physical, a threat, a weapon, anything that scares you. NOT yours to handle alone. | |
| 4 | Insults, threats, texting others about it | |
| 3 | Raised voices, "you always," "you never" | |
| 2 | A sharp answer, a look, a door | |
| 1 | A small comment, a bump, an eye roll |
Where the model conflict (scenario 1) started: rung ____ Where it stopped: rung ____
Part 2: Prevent and manage: the five steps
| Step | What you do | Icon |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Cool down | Walk, breathe, count, wait until your voice is normal | a thermometer going down |
| 2. I-message | I feel ___ when ___ because ___, and I need ___ | a speech bubble with "I" |
| 3. Listen | Eyes, body, restate, ask | an ear |
| 4. Find the shared want | What do we both want? (to stay friends, to finish, to keep the peace) | two arrows pointing at one circle |
| 5. Agree on one step | One thing each person will do, small enough to do today | a footprint |
Prevention is stepping off at rung 1: ask instead of grab; say it before it grows.
Part 3: Scenario cards
(Teacher: print once per class and cut apart, or leave on the page for Day 1 groups. Cards 1 to 5 are for everyone; 6 and 7 next; 8 is report only and is never role played; 9 and 10 are the stretch.)
1. The charger. Two cousins share a room. One keeps taking the other's charger without asking, and the phone is dead by lunch every day. Today it happened again, and the second cousin yelled "you always do this."
2. The seat. On the bus, one student has sat in the same seat all year. Today a new student is in it and will not move. The first student is standing in the aisle saying "that is my seat" louder each time.
3. The last slice. Two siblings, one slice of pizza. One says "I called it." The other says "you had two already." A parent is in the other room.
4. The group project. Four students, one project, due Friday. One student has done nothing and keeps saying "I will do it tonight." The other three are talking about doing it without that person.
5. The joke. At lunch, a friend made a joke about another friend's shoes. Everyone laughed. The friend with the shoes went quiet and has not talked to the joker all afternoon.
6. The game. Two teammates. One always wants to be the one who takes the last shot. The other is tired of passing and said so in front of the team.
7. The rule. A student wants to go to a friend's house Saturday. A parent said no without a reason. The student slammed a door. Now nobody is talking.
8. REPORT ONLY. Do not role play this card. A student has been getting texts from another student that say "wait until I see you" and "you will be sorry." Today the other student shoved them in the hall. This card is at rung 5. The only task is Part 6: who would you tell, and why?
9. The group chat. A chat of six friends. Two of them started making fun of a seventh person who is not in the chat. One friend in the chat screenshotted it and sent it to the seventh person. Now everyone is angry at everyone.
10. The rumor. A student heard that their best friend told someone a secret. The student does not know if it is true. They have been ignoring the friend for two days and the friend does not know why.
Day 1, class conflict map. For each card your group gets, write on a sticky note: the cause, the rung, and the shared want. Post it on the class ladder.
Part 4: Coach Checklist (Day 2)
You are the Coach. Hold this. Watch Person 1 and Person 2. You may say "pause" once to name a step they skipped. Check each line you saw. Read the checklist back to them at the end.
| Round ____ Scenario ____ | Saw it | Did not see it |
|---|---|---|
| Both people cooled down before speaking (a breath, a step back, "give me a second") | [ ] | [ ] |
| The I-message had all four parts and a real feeling word | [ ] | [ ] |
| The listener restated ("so you are saying") before answering | [ ] | [ ] |
| They found a shared want both would say yes to | [ ] | [ ] |
| They agreed on one step and said it out loud | [ ] | [ ] |
Stretch line: [ ] They found the shared want (the thing underneath) or [ ] they settled for a truce (each gave something up but nothing changed underneath)
Sentence starters for Person 1 and Person 2 [check with a native speaker before printing]:
| English | Turkish | Portuguese | Spanish |
|---|---|---|---|
| I feel ___ when ___. | ___ olduğunda ___ hissediyorum. | Eu me sinto ___ quando ___. | Me siento ___ cuando ___. |
| So you are saying ___. | Yani ___ diyorsun. | Então você está dizendo que ___. | Entonces lo que dices es ___. |
| We both want ___. | İkimiz de ___ istiyoruz. | Nós dois queremos ___. | Los dos queremos ___. |
| One thing I will do is ___. | Yapacağım bir şey ___. | Uma coisa que eu vou fazer é ___. | Una cosa que voy a hacer es ___. |
After each round, Person 1 and Person 2 write:
Round 1: The shared want we found: ______________________ The one step we agreed on: ______________________
Round 2: The shared want we found: ______________________ The one step we agreed on: ______________________
Round 3: The shared want we found: ______________________ The one step we agreed on: ______________________
Part 5: Repair, after a conflict
Even a conflict you handled well leaves a mark. Three steps fix it.
| Step | What it sounds like | What it does NOT sound like |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Apologize | "I am sorry I yelled. That was not fair to you." | "Sorry you feel that way." |
| 2. Make it right | Return it. Redo it. Fix it. "I will bring your charger back charged." | "It is fine now, right?" |
| 3. Move on | Do not bring it up next week. | "Remember when you ..." |
Scenario 7 (the slammed door): write the three repair steps the student could take.
- ________________________________________________
- ________________________________________________
- ________________________________________________
Part 6: When it is not safe to handle alone
Rung 5 is anything physical, a threat, a weapon, or anything that scares you. It is also any conflict that keeps coming back no matter what you do. Those are not yours to handle alone.
Adults who can help: a parent or guardian, the teacher, the counselor ([Sal: name], room ______), the dean, any teacher.
Telling is not tattling. Tattling is trying to get someone in trouble. Telling is trying to get someone safe.
Scenario 8: Who would you tell, and why that person?
Exit card, Day 1
One conflict from the class map: ______________________ Its rung: ____ The first step I would take: ______________________
Exit card, Day 2: 3-2-1
3 of the five steps: ______________ ______________ ______________
2 of the three repair steps: ______________ ______________
1 kind of conflict I would bring to an adult: ______________________
Teacher key
- Part 1 rung names, top to bottom: 5 unsafe, 4 ugly, 3 loud, 2 words, 1 a bump. Scenario 1 (the charger) starts at rung 3 ("you always") in the model; it should stop at rung 1 or 0 after the five steps.
- Part 3, causes and starting rungs: 1 things, rung 3; 2 things, rung 3; 3 things/fairness, rung 2; 4 fairness, rung 2; 5 words, rung 2; 6 turns, rung 3; 7 fairness, rung 3; 8 rung 5, report only; 9 words, rung 4; 10 words, rung 2 to 3. Accept a rung one off with a reason.
- Shared wants that count: 1 "we both want to have a charged phone and stop fighting about it"; 2 "we both want a seat and a calm bus ride"; 3 "we both want it to be fair"; 4 "we all want the project done and a good grade"; 5 "we both want to stay friends"; 6 "we both want to win"; 7 "we both want the weekend to go okay and to trust each other"; 9 "we all want the chat to be a place we can trust"; 10 "we both want to know the truth and stay friends." A shared want fails if only one person would say yes to it ("we both want the charger").
- Part 5, scenario 7, a strong answer: 1. "I am sorry I slammed the door; that was disrespectful." 2. "Can I ask what the reason was? I will listen." (or offer to do something the parent needs) 3. Do not bring the door up again after it is settled.
- Part 6, scenario 8: any adult on the list, with a reason such as "the counselor, because it is a threat and a shove, and that is rung 5" or "a parent and a teacher, because the school has to know." A friend alone is not an acceptable answer. A student who writes "handle it myself" gets a conversation.
- Day 1 exit card: "got it" when the first step matches the rung (rung 1: ask or say it; rung 2 or 3: cool down; rung 5: tell an adult).