# Slides 3.13: Friendship, Boundaries, and the Communication Performance Task Slide outline for Lesson 3.13, two days. Slides 1 to 12 are Day 1. Slides 13 to 22 are Day 2, and Day 2 holds the Communication Performance Task, the formal check for Topic 3.3, in its last 25 minutes (six minutes of planning, twenty minutes of performances, four minutes of self-score). Slide 4 is the statement of what this class is and is not about; say it out loud every year. Nothing here is about the body. That is health class. ## Slide 1: Friendship, Boundaries, and Saying No - Lesson 3.13, Day 1: Communication, Conflict, Relationships - Unit 3: Growing Up, Getting Along - Do now: think of a friendship from elementary school that is different now. No names - Circle one: it got closer, it drifted, it ended. Then one sentence on what changed Notes: Hand vote on the three. Most hands go to drifted. Do not ask anyone to say who or what happened. ## Slide 2: Drifting is not a failure - It is what happens when two people grow - Today: how friendships change, how to draw a line with a friend, and how to say no without losing them - Tomorrow: the performance task. Ninety seconds, four criteria Image: two paths starting at the same point and slowly separating, both still going forward. ## Slide 3: Friendship from 11 to 14 - Making: friends come from what you do together, a team, a class, a bus. You make them by showing up and asking - Keeping: the six healthy signs from yesterday, plus time - Drifting: interests change, schedules change, schools change. A drift is not a fight - You can let a friendship drift kindly Notes: On the handout Part 1, students write one way to make a friend, one way to keep one, and one kind way to let one drift. ## Slide 4: What this class is about, and what it is not - Any relationship at this age, a friend, a teammate, a person you like, is healthy for the same reasons and unhealthy for the same reasons - This class: what a good relationship looks like, how to draw a line, how to say no and be heard - Questions about the body go to health class with [Sal: health teacher's name] - Anything that worries you goes to the counselor [Sal: name, room ___] Notes: Say this plainly and do not paraphrase it away. Students and parents both need to hear it. If a student pushes the conversation to the body, the answer is "that is a health class question, and [health teacher's name] is the person to ask." ## Slide 5: A boundary, in three parts - A boundary is a line about what is okay with you - I am okay with ___ - I am not okay with ___ - If it happens, I will ___ - "I am okay with you borrowing my notes. I am not okay with you posting my notes in the chat. If it happens, I will stop sharing them" Image: a plain line drawn across a page with "okay" on one side and "not okay" on the other. Notes: Students copy the frame onto Part 2. ## Slide 6: Two traps, and how to respect a boundary - Trap 1: no "I will." Nothing happens, so nothing changes - Trap 2: a demand. "You have to stop being friends with them" is not a boundary about you - When somebody gives you a boundary: say "okay" - Do not argue. Do not make them explain it Notes: The "okay" is the whole skill on the receiving side. Practice it out loud with the room, once, together. ## Slide 7: Your turn: scenario A - A friend keeps taking food off your tray at lunch without asking - Write the three parts on the handout - Check it: is the third part something you will do, not something they must do? Notes: Take two out loud. A strong one: "I am okay with sharing a fry if you ask. I am not okay with food taken off my tray without asking. If it happens, I will move my tray." ## Slide 8: The three-part no - Say it: a plain, short no. "No, I am not doing that" - Say why once: one reason, not a speech - Offer what you will do instead - "No, I am not skipping practice. Coach benches anyone who skips. But I will come to the game after" Image: three stacked strips labeled say it, one reason, instead. Notes: This is the same skill as the four refusal steps from Lesson 3.6 (say no clearly, give a reason, offer an alternative, walk away), tightened to three for a friend you are keeping. ## Slide 9: What makes a no hard to hear - Laughing while you say it - Saying "maybe" when you mean no - Saying it to the floor - A no that sounds like a maybe gets a second push, and you earned it Notes: Demonstrate all three in five seconds each. The room will laugh at the third one, which is why they remember it. ## Slide 10: Practice: six pushes - Partner A pushes twice. Only twice. That is the rule - Partner B gives the three-part no - Partner A says "okay" - Three scenarios each way, then switch - Check off on the handout: plain no, one reason, offered something. 10 minutes Notes: Clipboard: plain no, one reason not a speech, offered something, pusher said okay after two. A pair whose pusher keeps going past two gets the reminder that a third push after two clear nos is what Lesson 3.12 called pressure. Grade 6 and IEP/504 pairs do four scenarios. ## Slide 11: Group chat rules - 1. Nothing you would not say to the face - 2. No screenshots shared outside the chat - 3. Leaving the chat is allowed and is not an insult - 4. If someone is being put down, say something or tell an adult. Do not just watch - 5. One rule this class adds: ______ Notes: Open with "what has gone wrong in a group chat you have seen?" No names, no screenshots shown. Take three, then show the rules. Vote on rule 5 and write it on the slide. ## Slide 12: Day 1 exit card and what tomorrow is - 3-2-1: 3 parts of a boundary, 2 parts of a clear no, 1 group chat rule you would add to a chat you are in - Tomorrow is the Communication Performance Task - Pairs draw one scenario card, plan for six minutes, perform for 90 seconds - Four criteria, 0 to 3 each, 12 points. The planning sheet and the checklist are in your handout now Notes: Three students read their "1." The "needs more" pile gets a two-minute check-in during tomorrow's planning. Post the performance order tonight so nobody waits without knowing. ## Slide 13: Day 2: the Communication Performance Task - Lesson 3.13, Day 2 - Do now: write the four things your exchange has to include today. Check your handout if you need to - The performance order is posted. Find your number Notes: One student reads the four: active listening, an I-message, one conflict step, a clear boundary or no. Then the hook: ninety seconds, and you have practiced every piece. ## Slide 14: The task - Draw one scenario card with your partner - Plan six minutes on the planning sheet - Perform a 90-second exchange - One person opens with an I-message. The other uses all four listening moves and restates - One conflict step is said out loud. One boundary or no is stated and respected Notes: Read it aloud. Take two questions, then stop taking questions about the script. ## Slide 15: The four criteria - 1. The I-message has all four parts and names a feeling - 2. The listener uses eyes, body, restate, and ask - 3. One conflict step is used out loud and fits the scenario - 4. A boundary or a no is stated clearly and the other person respects it - Somebody has to say "so you are saying," or criterion 2 is a 1 Image: four numbered boxes in a row, each with a small icon: a speech bubble with "I," an ear, a footprint, and a line drawn across a page. Notes: The most common failure is both students talking and nobody listening. Say that sentence about criterion 2 before they plan. ## Slide 16: The 0 to 3 scale - 0: missing - 1: attempted, incomplete - 2: done - 3: done, and it changed what happened next - 12 points. This is the formal check for this topic - One retake with a new card during Lesson 3.15's do now time. Best score counts Notes: Explain the 3 in one sentence: a 3 is when the move actually moved the other person. ## Slide 17: Draw your card and decide who opens - Cards are face down. One per pair - Cards 1 to 6 name the conflict step for you - Cards 7 to 12 let you choose the step - Read the card. Decide who opens. Write both names on the planning sheet Notes: Grade 6 draws from 1 to 6 and performs for 60 seconds. Grade 8 draws from 7 to 12 and also writes the other person's shared want on the self-assessment. A student may keep the listener role, which has fewer lines. ## Slide 18: Planning, six minutes - The I-message, all four parts - The restate line and the question - The conflict step and how it will sound - The boundary or the no, and how the other person respects it - Who says what, in order, on the numbered lines Notes: Timer on the slide. Circulate and answer questions about the scenario only, not the script. Check in with yesterday's "needs more" students here. A student who needs a script may read from the planning sheet during the performance. ## Slide 19: Performances, 90 seconds each - We go in the posted order - The timer is on the screen. It stops you - The next pair stands while the timer resets - No comments between pairs. We talk at the end - 20 minutes. Every pair performs Notes: Score live, four criteria, numbers only, no comments on the clipboard. [Sal: with more than 22 students, run a second corner with a student timekeeper, or run the last three pairs at the start of Lesson 3.14 before the do now, and say so now.] A student who cannot perform in front of the class performs for me at the table. ## Slide 20: While you watch - Watch quietly. No feedback from the floor - Count the criteria in your head. It makes your own turn better - No applause until the end, then applause for everyone Notes: Keep the resets fast. Ten to eleven pairs fit if nobody has to be found. ## Slide 21: Self-score - Score your own exchange, four criteria, 0 to 3 each - Total out of 12 - Write the one criterion you would improve, and how - Turn in the planning sheet with your self-score on it. 4 minutes Notes: A self-score within one point of mine on every criterion is accurate self-assessment; note it in the folder. Pairs off by two or more on any criterion get a one-line note back from me. ## Slide 22: One round of voice, and tomorrow - Two students: one thing another pair did well. A move, not a person - Questions to think about: a friend respects your boundary but is clearly annoyed. Did the boundary work? - You said a perfect no and your friend pushed a third time. What is that a sign of, and what is your next move? - Tomorrow: families. What a family is, and how families change Notes: Collect the planning sheets and self-scores. The pressure answer for the third push is Lesson 3.12's fifth unhealthy sign, and the next move is step back or tell a trusted adult.