# Slides 3.11: Conflict: Prevent, Manage, Repair Slide outline for Lesson 3.11, two days. Slides 1 to 12 are Day 1. Slides 13 to 24 are Day 2. Scenarios come from Handout 3.11 Part 3. Card 8 is a rung 5 card and is never role played; it appears only on slide 22. Keep the escalation ladder on the board or the screen both days so students can point at a rung instead of naming it. ## Slide 1: Conflict: Prevent, Manage, Repair - Lesson 3.11, Day 1: Communication, Conflict, Relationships - Unit 3: Growing Up, Getting Along - Do now: a conflict from a movie, a show, or a book. Not your own life - Two lines: Person 1 wanted ___. Person 2 wanted ___ Notes: Take three. Each time ask "did they fight, or did they want different things?" If yesterday's exit cards had a big "needs more" pile, spend two minutes on the I-message frame first. ## Slide 2: Every conflict is two wants bumping - Conflict is two or more people wanting different things at the same time - A fight is what happens if nobody stops the bump - Today: how a bump turns into a fight, and how to stop it on the way up - Tomorrow: you are in a conflict on purpose, with a coach Image: two arrows coming from opposite sides and meeting at a small starburst in the middle. ## Slide 3: Four causes at this age - Things: a charger, a seat, food - Turns: who goes first, who decides - Words: a joke that landed wrong, a rumor - Fairness: a chore, a grade in a group project - Sort your do now example into one of the four Notes: Students copy the four causes onto Handout Part 1 with one example each. Take a show of hands per cause; "things" and "words" usually win. ## Slide 4: The escalation ladder - Rung 1, a bump: a look, an eye roll, a small comment - Rung 2, words: a sharp answer, a door - Rung 3, loud: raised voices, "you always," "you never" - Rung 4, ugly: insults, threats, texting others about it - Rung 5, unsafe: anything physical, a threat, a weapon, anything that scares you Image: a five-rung ladder drawn upright, rung 1 at the bottom in light shading, rung 5 at the top in the darkest shading. Notes: Students fill the rung names on the handout ladder. Read rung 5 slowly. Say all four parts out loud: physical, threat, weapon, scares you. ## Slide 5: The rule about the top of the ladder - Anything above rung 4 is not yours to handle alone - Not because you are weak. Because it stopped being a conflict - Prevention is stepping off at rung 1: ask instead of grab, say it before it grows Notes: Say this on Day 1 and again on Day 2. Do not let a student think the five steps work on rung 5. ## Slide 6: The five steps: 1 to 3 - 1. Cool down (a thermometer going down): walk, breathe, count, wait until your voice is normal - 2. I-message (a speech bubble with "I"): I feel ___ when ___ because ___, and I need ___ - 3. Listen (an ear): eyes, body, restate, ask Image: three icons in a row, a thermometer with a downward arrow, a speech bubble holding the letter I, and an ear. Notes: Steps 2 and 3 are yesterday's lesson. Say that out loud so they see the build. ## Slide 7: The five steps: 4 and 5 - 4. Find the shared want (two arrows pointing at one circle): what do we both want? To stay friends. To finish the project. To keep the peace at home - 5. Agree on one step (a footprint): one thing each person will do, small enough to do today - "We both want the charger" is not a shared want. "We both want to stop fighting about the charger" is Image: two arrows converging on a single circle, and a single footprint. Notes: Students copy all five into the checklist column on the handout. The test for a shared want is whether both people would say yes to it out loud. ## Slide 8: The model: the charger - Scenario 1: two cousins, one charger, a dead phone by lunch, and "you always do this" - Watch me walk all five steps with a volunteer - Mark on your ladder: where did it start? Where did it stop? - Where could someone have stepped off at rung 1? Notes: Narrate each step as you do it. It starts at rung 3 ("you always") and should end at rung 1 or lower. The rung 1 answer is "ask, do not grab." ## Slide 9: The class conflict map - Groups of four. Three scenario cards per group - For each card, one sticky note with three things: the cause, the rung, the shared want - Post the note on the class ladder, at the rung where the conflict is - Be ready to defend one placement. 12 minutes Notes: Grade 6 and IEP/504 groups get cards 1 to 5 only. Two cards per group if time is tight. Check each group's first note before they post it. ## Slide 10: What goes on the sticky note - Cause: things / turns / words / fairness - Rung: 1 to 5 - Shared want: something both people would say yes to - One note per card. Card number in the corner Image: a sticky note with three labeled lines and a small number in the top right corner. ## Slide 11: Read the map - Which rung has the most notes? - Pick a note: what is the first step you would take? - The higher the rung, the longer the cool down - Which card is at rung 5, and why does that change what you do? Notes: Pick two notes at different rungs and ask the group that wrote each one. Card 8 is the rung 5 answer. ## Slide 12: Day 1 exit card and tomorrow - On the handout: one conflict from the class map, its rung, and the first step you would take - Two students read one aloud - Tomorrow: role plays in triads, with a coach holding a checklist - Bring the handout. Keep the five steps filled in Notes: "Got it" means the first step matches the rung: rung 1 ask or say it, rung 2 or 3 cool down, rung 5 tell an adult. ## Slide 13: Day 2: In a conflict on purpose - Lesson 3.11, Day 2 - Do now: write the five steps in order from memory. Stuck? The ladder is on your handout - Then: roles, rules, a model, and three rounds Notes: One student reads the five. Then the hook: today you are in a conflict on purpose, with a coach watching you do it right. ## Slide 14: The three roles - Person 1 and Person 2: you are in the conflict - Coach: hold the checklist, watch, and check each step you see - The Coach may say "pause" one time, to name the step that got skipped - Everybody coaches once. Roles rotate every round Image: three figures in a triangle, the top one holding a clipboard. Notes: Triads are assigned; plan them the night before so every triad has a student who will actually coach. The Coach role has no speaking under pressure, so it is the right round for a student who needs one. ## Slide 15: The rules of the role play - The conflict starts at rung 2 or 3. Never higher - No touching - No real names. No real events from this room - When the Coach says "pause," you freeze - Every role play ends with the one step you both agreed on, said out loud Notes: Read every line. If any triad climbs above rung 3, I call "pause" myself. ## Slide 16: Watch the model, listen for the pause - Two volunteers in the conflict, I am the Coach - 60 seconds - I will say "pause" once. Listen for what I name - Then watch how they finish: the shared want, then the one step Notes: Skip a step on purpose in the model so the pause has something to catch. Cool down is the best one to skip, because it is the one they will skip. ## Slide 17: Three rounds - Draw a scenario card: numbers 1 to 7. Cards 9 and 10 are the stretch - Four minutes per round: three minutes of role play, one minute for the Coach to read the checklist back - Rotate roles. Everyone coaches once - If your card is too close to home, trade it - 13 minutes Notes: Circulate with the clipboard: cooled down before speaking, I-message had four parts, listener restated, shared want named, one step agreed and said aloud. Five yeses in round 2 earns card 9 or 10 in round 3. Never card 8. ## Slide 18: After each round, write two things - The shared want we found: ______ - The one step we agreed on: ______ - Both people write it, not just one - A truce is not a shared want. A truce is "fine, forget it" Notes: Grade 8 stretch line on the Coach checklist: did they find the shared want, or settle for a truce? Grade 8 also writes two sentences on compromise (each gives something) versus a shared want (both get the thing underneath). ## Slide 19: Repair, after the conflict - Even a conflict you handled well leaves a mark - 1. Apologize: say what you did - 2. Make it right: return it, redo it, fix it - 3. Move on: do not bring it up next week Image: three icons, a mouth speaking, two hands passing an object back, and a calendar page turning. Notes: Students copy the three repair steps onto Part 5. ## Slide 20: Two apologies - Not an apology: "Sorry you feel that way." "It is fine now, right?" "Remember when you ..." - A real apology: "I am sorry I yelled. That was not fair to you" - Make it right: "I will bring your charger back charged" - On the handout: the three repair steps for scenario 7, the slammed door Notes: Model the bad one first, in the same voice people really use. Then the real one. Ask the room which one they would accept. ## Slide 21: When it is not yours to handle alone - Rung 5: anything physical, a threat, a weapon, anything that scares you - Also any conflict that keeps coming back no matter what you do - Who to ask: an adult at home; the counselor [Sal: name, room ___] or the nurse [Sal: name]; any teacher, me included, or the main office; the approved help line [Sal: the number your building approves] - Telling is not tattling. Tattling is trying to get someone in trouble. Telling is trying to get someone safe Notes: Say the four parts of rung 5 out loud every class. If a student reports something today, follow the building's reporting steps. [Sal: have those steps in front of you before you teach this; you are a mandated reporter.] ## Slide 22: Card 8: report only - A student is getting texts that say "wait until I see you" and "you will be sorry." Today that student got shoved in the hall - This card is never role played - Its only job: on the handout, who would you tell, and why that person? Notes: A friend alone is not an acceptable answer. A student who writes "handle it myself" gets a conversation, today, not later. ## Slide 23: Debrief questions - Did your conflict get handled, or just paused? How do you know? - Why does cooling down come before the I-message? What happens if you skip it? - Two people find the shared want and still cannot agree on one step. What now? - Is telling an adult a failure to handle it yourself? When is it the strongest move? Notes: Ask two triads the first question. Then ask the class which card should never be role played and only reported. ## Slide 24: Day 2 exit card and tomorrow - 3-2-1: 3 of the five steps, 2 of the three repair steps, 1 kind of conflict you would bring to an adult - Three students read their "1" - Tomorrow: healthy and unhealthy relationships, and the signs you can actually see Notes: The "needs more" pile decides whether Lesson 3.13 Day 2 opens with a five-step review before the performance task. Collect the Coach checklists by triad.