# Slides 3.10: Listening and I-Messages Slide outline for Lesson 3.10, one day. Fourteen slides. Slides 5 to 8 are one per listening move and each carries the icon that is also printed on Handout 3.10 Part 2. Slide 9 is the live wrong-then-right model; do not cut it. Feelings word bank stays on screen from slide 10 to the end of the period. ## Slide 1: Listening and I-Messages - Lesson 3.10: Communication, Conflict, Relationships - Unit 3: Growing Up, Getting Along - Do now: write the difference between hearing someone and listening to someone. One or two sentences - Then: name a great listener (nobody in this room) and one thing that person does Notes: Cold call three for "one thing that person does." Write the actions on the board: looks at me, does not interrupt, asks questions. Count how many do nows say anything past "being quiet"; that count decides whether Step 1 takes seven minutes or five. ## Slide 2: You have felt this before - Everyone in here has been talked at by someone who was not listening - You are going to feel it again in two minutes - Then you are going to learn to never do it to someone else Image: two figures side by side, one with a large speech bubble, the other looking away with a small flat line where a bubble would be. ## Slide 3: Draw/See/Hear, the listening round - Describer: hold the card so your partner cannot see it. Words only - Drawer: draw on the scrap sheet - First 45 seconds: the drawer may not ask one single question - When I say "questions open," ask anything - Two minutes total, then compare the drawing to the card Notes: Cards are face down at each pair already. Start the timer with the slide. Call "questions open" at 45 seconds, out loud, once. ## Slide 4: What changed when questions opened? - Compare the drawing to the card - On the handout Part 1: one thing that got better after questions opened - Three answers from the room - Asking is listening. Staying quiet is not the same thing Notes: Take three answers and push for specifics: position, size, or how many. Land the point in one sentence before moving on. ## Slide 5: Move 1: Eyes (an eye) - Look at the speaker - Phone face down, not in your hand - You do not have to stare. You have to look up Image: a single open eye drawn plainly, and a phone lying face down next to it. ## Slide 6: Move 2: Body (a person turned toward another) - Turn toward them - Nod when you follow - Arms open, not folded. Do not turn away - Your face and body send a message before your mouth does Image: two figures, one turned squarely toward the other, arms loose at the sides. Notes: This is HDR 2. d): personal image is projected through appearance, verbal and nonverbal communication, behavior, and action. Say it in student words. ## Slide 7: Move 3: Restate (a speech bubble with an arrow back) - Say it back before you answer - "So you are saying ___" - You are checking, not agreeing Image: a speech bubble with a curved arrow returning to the first speaker. Notes: ELL sentence starter is printed on the handout in Turkish, Portuguese, and Spanish. ## Slide 8: Move 4: Ask (a question mark) - One question, not five - "What happened next?" - "What do you need?" - A question proves you were listening. Nothing else does Image: a large question mark with a small ear beside it. Notes: Students copy all four moves onto the checklist header on the handout, Part 2. ## Slide 9: Watch me do it wrong, then right - Round 1: I have my phone, I am turned away, I cut you off - Round 2: eyes, body, restate, ask - Your job: name the four moves you saw in round 2 Notes: A volunteer tells me about their morning. Do round 1 badly enough that the room reacts, then round 2 clean. Ask for the four moves by name. Never cut this slide; students remember the phone face down longer than anything I say. ## Slide 10: The you-statement - "You always take my stuff without asking" - What does a person do when they hear "you always"? - They defend. They argue back. Now there are two problems Image: two figures, one pointing a finger, the other with arms crossed and leaning back. Notes: Take two answers before revealing the second line. ## Slide 11: The I-message frame - I feel [a feeling word] - when [what happened] - because [why it matters] - and I need [one specific thing] - Nobody has to argue with a feeling Image: four stacked blank strips, one per part of the frame, in four shades. Notes: Students copy the frame onto Part 3. Feeling words stay on screen: frustrated, left out, worried, embarrassed, hurt, annoyed, confused, nervous, ignored, unheard. ## Slide 12: Two traps, and the class rewrite - Trap 1, the fake I-message: "I feel like you are a thief." The word after "I feel" has to be a feeling - Trap 2, the vague need: "I need you to be better." A need is something they could do tomorrow - Example 1, together: "You always take my stuff without asking" - I feel frustrated when my charger gets taken without asking because then my phone is dead by lunch, and I need you to ask first - Example 2, your turn on the handout: "You never save me a seat" Notes: Do Example 2 as a class, out loud, in the frame. An I-message is the assertive choice, not the loud one and not the silent one. ## Slide 13: Practice pairs - Partner A: pick a you-statement from the list. Rewrite it as an I-message. Say it out loud - Partner B: all four moves. Answer with a restate and one question - Partner A: check off the moves B used on the checklist - Switch. Two rounds each if we have time - Write both of your I-messages on the handout. 11 minutes Notes: Numbers 1 to 5 for everyone, 6 and 7 next, 8 to 10 are the stretch. Circulate with the clipboard: all four parts, a specific need, restate before ask. Three yeses moves a pair to 8 to 10. A vague need gets the question "what exactly do you want them to do tomorrow?" ## Slide 14: Questions and exit card - Which listening move is the hardest to fake? - Is "I feel like you never listen to me" an I-message? Why not? - If you say a perfect I-message and the person still yells, did it fail? What did it do anyway? - Exit card 3-2-1 at the bottom of the handout: 3 listening moves from memory, 2 parts of the I-message frame, 1 person outside this room (a role, not a name) you could use an I-message with this week - Tomorrow: conflict, and how a small bump turns into a fight Notes: Three students read their "1." Sort the cards into "got it" and "needs more"; the "needs more" pile decides whether Lesson 3.11 opens with a two-minute I-message review.