# Handout 3.13: Boundaries Practice and Performance Task Cards Name: ______________________________ Date: ______________ Partner: ______________ **Directions:** Day 1: Parts 1 to 4 (friendship, boundaries, saying no, group chat rules). Day 2: Part 5 (the twelve scenario cards, printed once per class and cut apart by the teacher), Part 6 (the planning sheet), and Part 7 (the four-criterion checklist and your self-score). Exit card for Day 1 is at the end of Part 4. ## Part 1: Friendship at this age | | One way | |---|---| | Making a friend | | | Keeping a friend | | | Letting a friend drift, kindly | | Drifting is not a fight. It is what happens when two people grow. This class is about what a good relationship of any kind looks like, how to draw a line, and how to say no and be heard. Questions about the body go to health class. Anything that worries you goes to the counselor ([Sal: name], room ______). ## Part 2: Boundaries A boundary is a line about what is okay with you. It is about you, not a rule for the other person. The three-part boundary: **I am okay with** ________________. **I am not okay with** ________________. **If it happens, I will** ________________. Example: "I am okay with you borrowing my notes. I am not okay with you posting my notes in the chat. If it happens, I will stop sharing them." Two traps: a boundary with no "I will" (nothing changes) and a boundary that is really a demand ("you have to stop being friends with them"). How to respect a boundary someone gives you: say "okay." Do not argue. Do not make them explain. **Scenario A.** A friend keeps taking food off your tray at lunch without asking. Write a boundary. I am okay with ______________________. I am not okay with ______________________. If it happens, I will ______________________. Sentence frames in other languages [check with a native speaker before printing]: | English | Turkish | Portuguese | Spanish | |---|---|---|---| | I am okay with ___. | ___ benim için sorun değil. | Eu não me importo com ___. | No me molesta ___. | | I am not okay with ___. | ___ benim için sorun. | Eu não aceito ___. | No estoy de acuerdo con ___. | | If it happens, I will ___. | Olursa, ___ yapacağım. | Se acontecer, eu vou ___. | Si pasa, voy a ___. | | No, I am not doing that. | Hayır, bunu yapmayacağım. | Não, eu não vou fazer isso. | No, no voy a hacer eso. | ## Part 3: Saying no and being heard The three-part no: **say it** (a plain, short no), **say why once** (one reason, not a speech), **offer what you will do instead**. Example: "No, I am not skipping practice. Coach benches anyone who skips. But I will come to the game after." What makes a no hard to hear: laughing while you say it, saying "maybe" when you mean no, saying it to the floor. Practice: Partner A pushes twice (only twice). Partner B says the three-part no. Partner A says "okay." Three each way. | Push scenario | Was the no plain? | One reason? | Offered something? | |---|---|---|---| | 1. "Come on, let me copy your homework, just this once." | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] | | 2. "Skip the club meeting and come to my house." | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] | | 3. "Send me a picture of the test when you get it back." | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] | | 4. "Add my cousin to our chat, everyone will be fine with it." | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] | | 5. "Tell your parents you are at my house and go to the park instead." | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] | | 6. "Let me borrow your jacket, I will give it back next week." | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] | A third push after two clear nos is what Lesson 3.12 called pressure. ## Part 4: Group chat rules | Rule | Why | |---|---| | 1. Nothing you would not say to the face. | | | 2. No screenshots shared outside the chat. | | | 3. Leaving the chat is allowed and is not an insult. | | | 4. If someone is being put down, say something or tell an adult. Do not just watch. | | | 5. Our class rule: | | ### Exit card, Day 1: 3-2-1 3 parts of a boundary: ______________ ______________ ______________ 2 parts of a clear no: ______________ ______________ 1 group chat rule I would add to a chat I am in: ______________________ ## Part 5: Performance Task scenario cards (Teacher: print once per class, cut apart, draw face down on Day 2. Cards 1 to 6 name the conflict step. Cards 7 to 12 are the stretch; the pair chooses the step.) **1. The tray.** Person A keeps taking food off Person B's tray. Person B opens with an I-message. Conflict step: agree on one step. **2. The borrowed thing.** Person A borrowed Person B's calculator a week ago and has not returned it. Person B opens. Conflict step: find the shared want. **3. The seat.** Person A saved a seat for Person B every day; today B sat with someone else without saying anything. Person A opens. Conflict step: cool down. **4. The game.** Person A always wants to pick the game at recess. Person B opens. Conflict step: agree on one step. **5. The joke.** Person A made a joke about Person B's accent. Person B opens. Conflict step: find the shared want. **6. The chat.** Person A added someone to the chat without asking. Person B opens. Conflict step: agree on one step. **7. The rumor.** Person A heard that Person B told someone a secret. Person A does not know if it is true. Person A opens. Conflict step: your choice. **8. The screenshot.** Person A screenshotted something Person B wrote in the chat and sent it to another person. Person B opens. Conflict step: your choice. **9. The drift.** Person A and Person B used to be best friends. Person A has new friends from a team and has not texted in two weeks. Person B opens. Conflict step: your choice. **10. The password.** Person A wants Person B's phone password "so we can trust each other." Person B opens with a boundary. Conflict step: your choice. **11. The project.** Person A did nothing on the group project and Person B did all of it. Person B opens. Conflict step: your choice. **12. The plan.** Person A wants Person B to skip a family dinner for a hangout. Person B opens with a no. Conflict step: your choice. ## Part 6: Planning sheet (Day 2) Card number: ____ Person A: ______________ Person B: ______________ Who opens: ______ The I-message (four parts): I feel ______________ when ______________________________ because ______________________________, and I need ______________________________. The listener's restate line: "So you are saying ______________________________." The listener's question: "______________________________?" The conflict step we will use out loud (cool down / find the shared want / agree on one step): ______________________ How it will sound: "______________________________" The boundary or the no: "I am okay with ___. I am not okay with ___. If it happens, I will ___." or "No, ___. Because ___. But I will ___." How the other person respects it: "______________________________" Who says what, in order: 1. ______________________________ 2. ______________________________ 3. ______________________________ 4. ______________________________ 5. ______________________________ 6. ______________________________ ## Part 7: The four-criterion checklist (teacher scores live; you self-score after) | Criterion | 0 Missing | 1 Attempted, incomplete | 2 Done | 3 Done, and it changed what happened next | |---|---|---|---|---| | 1. The I-message has all four parts and names a feeling | | | | | | 2. The listener uses eyes, body, restate, and ask | | | | | | 3. One conflict step is used out loud and fits the scenario | | | | | | 4. A boundary or a no is stated clearly and the other person respects it | | | | | Total: ____ / 12 **My self-score:** 1: ____ 2: ____ 3: ____ 4: ____ Total: ____ / 12 The one criterion I would improve: ____ How: ________________________________________________ Stretch: The other person's shared want was ______________________. We found it / did not find it because ______________________. * * * ## Teacher key - Part 2, scenario A, a strong boundary: "I am okay with sharing a fry if you ask. I am not okay with food taken off my tray without asking. If it happens, I will move my tray." A trap answer: "You have to stop taking my food" (a demand, not a boundary). - Part 3: a strong no for push 1: "No, I am not giving you my homework. If I do, we both get a zero. But I will show you how I did number 3 at lunch." Check "plain" only if the no is a no (not "I do not know," not "maybe later"). - Part 4 "why" column, strong answers: 1 (a screen makes people braver and meaner); 2 (a screenshot turns a private thing into a weapon); 3 (nobody owes a chat their time); 4 (watching is a choice too). - Part 7 scoring: criterion 1 is a 3 when the feeling word is real and the need is specific and the other person responds to the need; a 1 when "I feel like you." Criterion 2 is a 1 if nobody restates. Criterion 3 is a 2 when the step is said out loud ("okay, one thing I will do is..." or "what do we both want here?" or "give me a second, I need to cool down"); a 3 when the step changes the exchange. Criterion 4 is a 3 when the other person says "okay" and does not argue. - Self-score check: a self-score within one point on every criterion of the teacher's is accurate self-assessment; note it in the folder.