# Lesson 3.11: Conflict: Prevent, Manage, Repair

**Unit:** Unit 3, Growing Up, Getting Along (Human Development and Relationships)
**Topic:** 3.3 Communication, Conflict, Relationships
**Grade:** 6 to 8 (written at grade 7; see Differentiation for the grade 6 support and grade 8 stretch)
**Days:** 2 class periods of 40 minutes
**Room:** Either (a room where triads can stand and move a little)

## Standards

- NYS module line: NYS HDR 4. Human Relationships a) Identify characteristics of healthy human relationships
- NYS module line: NYS HDR 4. Human Relationships c) Discuss strategies for strengthening human relationships
- CTE theme line: CTE CIR 6. Conflict Prevention and Management b) List and describe factors that contribute to healthy and unhealthy relationships
- CTE theme line: CTE CIR 6. Conflict Prevention and Management c) Research conflict prevention and management techniques
- CTE theme line: CTE CIR 6. Conflict Prevention and Management d) Explore how similarities and differences among people affect conflict prevention and management
- NYS FACS Learning Standard 2 (Intermediate), Key Idea: Students will know the basic principles of home and community safety. They can demonstrate the skills necessary to maintain their homes and workplaces in a safe and comfortable condition. They can provide a safe and nurturing environment for themselves and others.; Performance Indicator: none of the three Standard 2 indicators names conflict. The state assigns only Standard 2 to this module, so this lesson cites the key idea's last sentence and no PI.
- CDOS Standard 3a Universal Foundation Skills: Interpersonal Skills
- National FCS 3.0: 13.4.4 Show nonviolent ways to deal with conflict.
- National FCS 3.0: 13.4.3 Use decision making and problem solving to reduce and manage conflict.

## Enduring understanding and essential question

**Big idea:** Conflict is normal. Two people who want different things will bump into each other. What is not normal is letting a small bump climb the ladder to a fight. There are steps that bring it down, and there are steps that fix it afterward.
**Essential question:** Is a relationship with no conflict a healthy one, or a quiet one?

## Objectives

By the end of this lesson, students will be able to:
1. (Low) Given a list of the five steps for managing a conflict (cool down, I-message, listen, find the shared want, agree on one step) and the three repair steps (apologize, make it right, move on), state each step in order and give an example of each.
2. (Mid) Given a conflict scenario, place it on the escalation ladder, identify what each person wants, and apply the five steps in a role play with a coach checking each step.
3. (High) After a role play, evaluate whether the conflict was handled or only paused, and judge whether the scenario was one a student should handle alone or bring to an adult, with a reason.

## Vocabulary

Tier 2 (general academic): escalate, compromise, apologize, resolve
Tier 3 (FACS): conflict, escalation ladder, shared want, cool down, repair. See the unit vocabulary list (`Vocabulary 03.md`) for Turkish, Portuguese, and Spanish.

## Materials and setup

- Handout, one per student: `Handout 03.11 - Conflict Scenarios Coach Checklist and Repair Steps.md` (ten scenario cards, the coach checklist, the escalation ladder, and the repair steps)
- Slides: `Slides 03.11 - Conflict Prevent Manage Repair` (Day 1 and Day 2 labeled)
- Chart paper or the whiteboard for the class conflict map (Day 1)
- Sticky notes, one pad per group of four (Day 1)
- A timer visible to the class
- Setup notes: Day 1 groups of four at tables. Day 2 triads (two in the conflict, one coach); plan the triads the night before so every triad has a student who will actually coach. Push tables back for Day 2 so triads can stand. No allergy check needed.

## Pre-assessment

Yesterday's exit cards from Lesson 3.10 (the "needs more" pile) tell you whether to open Day 1 with a two-minute I-message review. The Day 1 do now asks for a conflict students have seen in a movie or show, not their own life; the answers show whether they see conflict as "a fight" or as "wanting different things," which is the first idea to fix.

## Do now and hook (Time: 5 min each day)

**Day 1.** On the board: "Think of a conflict from a movie, a show, or a book (not your own life). Write who wanted what. Two lines: Person 1 wanted ___. Person 2 wanted ___."

Debrief: take three. Ask each time: "Did they fight, or did they want different things?" Then the hook: "Every conflict is two wants bumping. Today we learn how a bump turns into a fight, and how to stop it on the way up."

**Day 2.** On the board: "Write the five steps in order from memory. If you get stuck, look at the ladder on your handout."

Debrief: one student reads the five. Then the hook: "Today you are going to be in a conflict on purpose, with a coach watching you do it right."

## Procedure

**Day 1**

| Step | Teacher will | Students will | Time |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1. Direct instruction: what conflict is and why it happens | Define conflict as two or more people wanting different things at the same time. Show the four common causes at this age: things (a charger, a seat), turns (who goes first, who decides), words (a joke that landed wrong, a rumor), and fairness (a chore, a grade in a group project). Ask the class to sort the do now examples into the four. Then show the escalation ladder: rung 1 a bump (a look, a small comment), rung 2 words (a sharp answer), rung 3 loud (raised voices, "you always"), rung 4 ugly (insults, threats, texts to others), rung 5 unsafe (anything physical, anything that scares you). Say the rule: everything above rung 4 is not yours to handle alone. | Copy the four causes and the five rungs onto the handout ladder. Sort the do now examples. | 8 min |
| 2. Direct instruction: prevent and manage, the five steps | Show the five steps with a picture each: cool down (walk, breathe, count, wait until your voice is normal), I-message (from Lesson 3.10), listen (the four moves), find the shared want (what do we both want? to stay friends, to finish the project, to keep the peace at home), agree on one step (one thing each person will do, small enough to do today). Model with a volunteer on scenario 1 from the handout, narrating each step. Point out where a person could have stepped off the ladder at rung 1 (prevention: ask, do not grab; say it before it grows). | Watch. Mark on the ladder where the model conflict started and where it stopped. | 7 min |
| 3. Learning activity: the class conflict map | Groups of four get three scenario cards from the handout. For each card, the group writes on one sticky note: the cause (things, turns, words, fairness), the rung it is at, and the shared want. Groups post the notes on the class ladder on the board, at the rung where the conflict is. Then walk the class through the map: which rung has the most notes? Which scenario is at rung 5 and why does that change what you do? | Read, decide, write, post. Defend one placement if asked. | 11 min |
| 4. Share and debrief | Pick two notes at different rungs. Ask each group that wrote one: what is the first step you would take? Land the point: the higher the rung, the longer the cool down. Preview Day 2: role plays with a coach. | Answer. Copy the five steps into the checklist column on the handout for tomorrow. | 4 min |

Day 1 total: 5 plus 8 plus 7 plus 11 plus 4 plus 5 = 40 minutes.

**Day 2**

| Step | Teacher will | Students will | Time |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1. Direct instruction: how the role play works | Assign triads. Show the roles: Person 1 and Person 2 are in the conflict; the Coach holds the checklist and may call "pause" once to say the step that was skipped. Read the rules: the conflict starts at rung 2 or 3, never higher; no touching; no real names, no real events from this room; when the Coach says "pause," you freeze; every role play ends with the one step both people agreed on, said out loud. Run a 60-second model with two volunteers and you as Coach so they hear a "pause." | Move to triads. Choose Person 1, Person 2, Coach for round 1. Pick a scenario card (numbers 1 to 7; 8 to 10 are for the grade 8 stretch and the debrief). | 6 min |
| 2. Practice: role plays, three rounds | Run three rounds of four minutes: three minutes for the role play, one minute for the Coach to read back the checklist. Rotate roles each round so everyone coaches once. Circulate with the clipboard (see Check for understanding). Call "pause" yourself if any triad climbs above rung 3. | Role play, coach, rotate. After each round, Person 1 and Person 2 write on the handout: the shared want we found, the one step we agreed on. | 13 min |
| 3. Direct instruction: repair, and when not to handle it alone | Show the three repair steps for after a conflict, even one you handled well: apologize (say what you did, not "sorry you feel that way"), make it right (return it, redo it, fix it), move on (do not bring it up next week). Model a bad apology and a real one. Then the safety rule: if it is at rung 5 (anything physical, a threat, a weapon, something that scares you) or it keeps coming back no matter what you do, it is not yours to handle alone. Name the adults: a parent or guardian, me, the counselor [Sal: name], the dean, any teacher. Say that telling an adult is not tattling; tattling is trying to get someone in trouble, telling is trying to get someone safe. | Copy the three repair steps. Read scenario 8 (a rung 5 card) and write on the handout who they would tell and why. | 8 min |
| 4. Share and debrief | Ask two triads: "Did your conflict get handled, or just paused? How do you know?" Ask the class: which scenario on the handout should never be role played and only reported? (Scenario 8.) | Answer. Fill the Day 2 line on the handout. | 4 min |

Day 2 total: 5 plus 6 plus 13 plus 8 plus 4 plus 4 = 40 minutes.

## Questions to ask

Monitor understanding:
- What are the four causes of conflict at this age? Which one was the scenario you just role played?
- What rung was your conflict on when it started? Where did it end?
- What is the difference between "sorry you feel that way" and a real apology?

Deepen learning:
- Why does cooling down come before the I-message? What happens if you skip it?
- Two people find the shared want ("we both want to finish the project") but still cannot agree on one step. What now?
- Is "telling an adult" a failure to handle it yourself? When is it the strongest move?

## Check for understanding

Day 1: during Step 3, check each group's first sticky note for a cause, a rung, and a shared want that is really shared (both people would say yes to it). "We both want the charger" is not a shared want; "we both want to stop fighting about the charger" is.

Day 2: clipboard checklist during Step 2, one line per triad: "cooled down before speaking," "I-message had four parts," "listener restated," "shared want named," "one step agreed and said aloud." A triad with five yeses in round 2 gets a scenario from 8 to 10 in round 3 (not scenario 8, which is report only). A triad with a no on "shared want" gets the question "what would you both say yes to?"

## Closure (Time: 5 min Day 1; 4 min Day 2)

**Day 1.** Exit card on the handout: write one conflict from the class map, its rung, and the first step you would take. Two students read one aloud. Sort into "got it" (the first step matches the rung: cool down if rung 3, ask or say it if rung 1) and "needs more."

**Day 2.** 3-2-1 exit card: 3 of the five steps, 2 of the three repair steps, 1 kind of conflict you would bring to an adult. Three students read their "1" aloud. The "needs more" pile decides whether Lesson 3.13 Day 2 opens with a five-step review before the performance task.

## Differentiation and supports

- ELL: the five steps and the three repair steps have an icon each on the slides and the handout; the escalation ladder is a picture, and students can point to a rung instead of naming it; scenario cards 1 to 5 are written in short sentences with a picture cue; sentence starters printed on the checklist: "I feel ___ when ___," "So you are saying ___," "We both want ___," "One thing I will do is ___," in Turkish, Portuguese, and Spanish (marked [check with a native speaker]); a student may role play in a shared home language with a coach who speaks it.
- IEP and 504 (general): the Coach role has no speaking under pressure and a checklist to hold, so any student who needs it can coach in every round; scenarios are drawn, not assigned, so a student can trade a card that is too close to home; a student who cannot role play writes the five steps for a scenario as a script instead; extended time on the handout lines.
- Grade 6 support: scenario cards 1 to 5 (things and turns) only; the conflict starts at rung 2; the Coach checklist is the five steps with checkboxes and no notes.
- Grade 8 stretch: scenario cards 9 and 10 (a group chat that turned, a group project where one person did nothing) and the added Coach line "did they find the shared want or settle for a truce?"; grade 8 students also write the difference between compromise (each gives something) and a shared want (both get the thing underneath) in two sentences.
- UDL checkpoint used: multiple means of engagement (students choose the scenario card and rotate through all three roles) and multiple means of action and expression (role play aloud, coach with a checklist, or write a script).
- No-kitchen or no-machine alternative: none needed. If the room cannot be rearranged, triads sit in a triangle at the table and the role play is done seated.

## Assessment

| Objective | Standards met | Learning task | Assessment (formative or summative; tool) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1. State the five steps and three repair steps with examples | CIR 6. c); HDR 4. c) | Day 1 Step 2, Day 2 Step 3, exit cards | Formative; Day 2 3-2-1 card checked for steps in order |
| 2. Place a conflict on the ladder and apply the five steps in a role play | CIR 6. b), d); HDR 4. a); National FCS 13.4.4, 13.4.3; CDOS 3a Interpersonal Skills | Day 1 class map, Day 2 role plays | Formative; sticky notes on the map; Coach checklist collected; clipboard checklist |
| 3. Judge handled vs paused, and alone vs adult | CIR 6. d); Std 2 KI; National FCS 13.4.3 | Day 2 Step 3 scenario 8 line, Step 4 debrief | Formative; handout "who I would tell and why" line, scored complete, partial, or missing |

Objectives 1 and 2 are assessed summatively on the Communication Performance Task at the end of Lesson 3.13 Day 2 (one conflict step must appear in the exchange) and on the Unit 3 Test (items on the five steps and rung 5).

## Homework

None. Optional: notice one conflict this week (yours or one you saw) and write its rung and what would have brought it down one rung. No names.

## Connections

Inside the building: the counselor runs peer mediation in many middle schools; the five steps here are close to a mediation script, so a joint visit in Lesson 3.12 (where the counselor is introduced) works. The PE teacher deals with rung 2 and 3 conflicts daily and could use the same ladder language. Community: a local community mediation center, if one exists, sometimes sends a trainer to middle schools for one period. [Sal: check whether your school or district has a peer mediation program.]

## Sources

- NYS Middle Level CTE FACS Content Module 02, Human Development and Relationships (nyctecenter.org, June 2018), lines 4. a) and 4. c). Copy in `02 Standards/NYS Module PDFs/`.
- NYS Middle Level CTE Theme Module, Communication and Interpersonal Relationships, lines 6. b), 6. c), and 6. d). Same folder.
- NYS Learning Standards for Health, Physical Education, and Family and Consumer Sciences (1996), Standard 2, Intermediate, FACS strand. Wording per `02 Standards/STANDARDS SOURCES - web research.md`, section 2.
- National Standards for Family and Consumer Sciences Education 3.0 (LEAD FCS Education, 2018), competencies 13.4.3 and 13.4.4.
- Sal's own materials: the five-step decision model from Lesson 0.3 (name the choice, list options, weigh each against what matters, decide, look back) shapes "agree on one step" and the Day 2 debrief question; the I-message frame from Lesson 3.10.

## Teacher notes

- Day 1's class map is eleven minutes, which is three cards per group with no slack. If Day 1 runs short, cut the class map to two cards per group. If Day 2 runs short, run two role play rounds instead of three and keep all of Step 3; the repair steps and the safety rule are the parts that matter most.
- Common mistake in role plays: the two people skip cool down because they are already calm (it is a role play). Tell the Coach to check for a visible cool down anyway: a breath, a step back, a "give me a second."
- The second common mistake: the "shared want" is really one person's want. The test is whether both people would say yes to it out loud.
- Scenario 8 is a rung 5 card on purpose. It should never be role played. Its only job is the "who I would tell" line. If a triad draws it by mistake, swap it.
- Rung 5 means anything physical, a threat, a weapon, or anything that scares you. Say those four out loud, every class. A student who reports something during this lesson is reported the way the school's policy says. [Sal: put the building's reporting steps in your own notes before you teach this; you are a mandated reporter.]
- The five-step decision model from Unit 0 shows up in "agree on one step": name the choice, list options, weigh each, decide, look back. Grade 8 students notice this on their own; point it out for everyone else.